Food

It Takes a Village to Braise a Child

Hipster girl: So, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be great if you could just eat yourself? You would never gain any weight. Actually, you would lose weight like crazy because it would be the best of both worlds: you wouldn’t be consuming any calories, and your metabolism wouldn’t slow down like it does when you just don’t eat.
Guy: Um, are you serious?
Hipster girl: Yeah, I mean, it would be awesome! Think about it: I mean, how great would it be if I could just start gnawing the fat straight off my leg right now? Like, “Mmm, leg.” You know? And it would be, like, totally calorie-free!
Guy: Um, not really? That’s kind of gross and cannibalistic.
Hipster girl: Whatever. One day I’m gonna publish a book on this shit and have, like, a cult following, and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t think it was a good idea.

–N train

Living with Korsakov’s

Girl #1: That’s pretty much illegal or something.
Girl #2: They’re not really related, and she told her dad and he’s cool with it.
Girl #1: Oooh, do you wanna get some ice cream?

–M96 bus

And Who Are You?

College student #1, with Brooklyn meets Boston mystery accent: My uncle is a doctor. Well, he's like a doctor. I mean he works in a hospital, but you know, once you work in a hospital for 15 years you might as well be a doctor cause you know it all by then, anyway. Well, he says that food comas are real. Yeah, you know, it's like the cyanide in the turkey or something.
College student #2: I have no idea what you are talking about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dara

Sounds Pretty Vanilla to Me, Bob

Entrepreneur #1: We could have ice cream hands jobs.
Entrepreneur #2: Huh?
Entrepreneur #1: Yeah, two things everybody likes.

–Bleecker Street & Broadway

“That’s not my definition of success.”

Hobo: I’m trying to get something to eat.
Suit: Well, you’re obviously not going to be that successful without having any money.

–94th & Broadway

Wednesday Accidentally Leaves a Sponge in the One-Liner

Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Overheard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Tam

Just Find Star Jones and Follow Her Trail

Brit: Excuse me, do you know where the Photography Museum is please?
Newsagent: Chocolate Museum?…Hey mamma, you know where the Chocolate Museum is?
Mamma: I never heard of no Chocolate Museum.
Brit: Not to worry. Thanks anyway.

–53rd St. Newsstand

Overheard by: Shaun Riordan

…No One Leads Harder Lives Than We Do!

Old man #1: Where are we?
Old man #2: The movies!
Old man #1: I thought we were going to the barbecue!
Old man #2: Yes, it's time for the barbecue.
Old man #1: Aaaaaauuuuuugggggghhhhhh!

–Lincoln Plaza Cinemas

Overheard by: Laughing uncontrollably

Maybe He Just Likes Eating Out

JAP #1: It’s like, I don’t know if I’m that into him, but I could use a nice meal.
JAP #2: Is he into you?
JAP #1: I don’t know, he’s like, “Let’s do dinner and…whatever.”

–Fresh Bites, 57th & 6th

Jim Gaffigan: The Horror!

Loud woman: You said you'd had Hot Pockets!
Quiet woman: No, I…
Loud woman, interrupting: Yes, you did! You told me you had had Hot Pockets!
Quiet woman: I haven't had Hot Pockets in weeks. Not since Evan*'s parents were in town.
Loud woman: You told me you did just days ago! You lie! Li-ar!
Quiet woman: No, I said the reason I had cake for breakfast is that I *ran out* of Hot Pockets!

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Rose Fox

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