Older woman: When I die, I’m going to be fed to the grizzlies.
Younger woman: What?
Older woman: I want my hands and feet cremated and put into St John’s Cathedral, and the rest of me I want made into steaks and fed to an endangered species. It’s not enough anymore to just give them money. You have to give them part of yourself.
–South End Ave
Overheard by: lino & wyja
Hobo: Can you spare some change? Or food?
Black lady: Nigga, get a job. This neighborhood's gone too bourgeois for your ass to be begging.
–West 4th
Overheard by: bella
Guy #1: So are you go to Ian’s birthday dinner later?
Guy #2: Well, I’ve been trying to only eat one meal a day this past month, and I already ate one…so probably not.
–51st & 8th
Mom to fussing toddler: I'm right here, sweetheart!
Crazy guy: Sweetheart. Sweeeetheart. Why not “salt” heart? Saaaaaaaaaalllllllttttt heeeeaaaaaarrt!
–Starbucks
Skinny girl: I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Sobbing girl: I just…I just hope he's going to… be okay.
Skinny girl: Do you think that maybe you want to go and compose yourself in the office?
Sobbing girl: I was just… there. And I would… but the candy… sucks.
Skinny girl: I'll… I'll give you my last Mentos.
Sobbing girl: The Freshmaker?
–The Met
Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I waited an hour for you to show up! Were you on a coffee break or what?
Bus driver: Sir, that’s not possible, the lead bus was only ten minutes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the depot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the real terrorists! You’re what Homeland Security is trying to protect us against!
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
Hot southern girl #1: So, before I came up here my mom is like, "Be very careful around those northern boys, they think all southern girls just love to cook and fuck."
Hot southern girl #2: Oh my gosh, are you serious? They think that? That’s so messed up!
Hot southern girl #1: I know!
Hot southern girl #2: But I really do love to cook… And fuck.
Hot southern girl #1: I know… Me too.
–Union Square Cafe
Overheard by: Moving South
Guy to friends: A girl farted on my head once, and I dated her for three years.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: MC
Woman to friend: And then he farted in my mouth.
–Ding Dong Lounge
Overheard by: Rosalind
Hobo, farting loudly, turning at girl walking behind him: That's for you, you fucking bitch!
–Yellow Line Subway Station
Overheard by: Craigalanche
Latina on cell, firmly: I'm not bi-curious, I'm just fart-curious
–49th & 5th
Overheard by: olga
Crazy hobo: Once, I was eating Cracker Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I finished the box, I farted in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week later, I got the surprise of my life!
–1 Train
Overheard by: nella
Red haired woman: Damn it, Michael forgot to pack my lunch again. I am so pissed at him! Arrrrgh!
Big boobed woman: Shhh…shhh… Just get lunch at the store.
Red haired woman: Do they got ribs at the store? Do they got ribs at the store, Portia?
Big boobed woman: You could ask. They have pork.
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Crazy guy: Let me know about a Caesar salad.
Employee: We don’t sell Caesar salads, sir.
Crazy guy: I didn’t say I wanted a Caesar salad, I said, ‘Let me know about a Caesar salad.’ [Pause] What’s in a Caesar salad?! What do ya’ll know about it?!
Employee: I don’t know.
Crazy guy: That’s what I thought! Ya’ll don’t know about Caesar salads!
–Subway, 41st St, between 6th & Broadway
Overheard by: i know whats in a cesar salad but im not tellin
