Girl: You know how your boyfriend sometimes falls asleep in my bed? You have to make him stop. Seriously.
Roommate: Why?
Girl: Because I'm going to flip shit on his ass, is why!
Roommate: Well, it's not like he…no, I'm not even going to finish that sentence.
Girl: Good.
–A Train
Overheard by: Mama Beeker
Chick #1: Wait, how many tumors does he have?
Chick #2: A bunch. They all have names, too. Jeff, Tom, Bill… I can’t remember the rest, but they’re names like that.
Chick #1: No girl tumors?
Guy: He doesn’t want his death to be caused by girls.
Chick #1: What about transvestites?
Guy: No, they don’t wear clothes.
Chick #1: Transvestites?
Guy: No, tumors.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Sad, sober friend: I just really miss her, I guess.
Drunk friend: There’s no color the sky can’t be at any given time. Remember that!
–E 11th & 2nd
Girl: We just came here and talked about each other’s families. He has a brother with a gambling problem.
Guy: Alright! The good stuff!
Girl: Yeah, his brother used to be a trappist, but now he has a serious gambling problem.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Kira
Girl #1, into phone: No, we’re in Brooklyn. Yeah, Spot Collins’s territory.
Girl #2: I cannot believe you just made a Newsies reference.
Girl #1: Bitch, please — you do it all the time.
–17th & 4th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: me too
Girl #1: So, we left the bar in a taxi and I had to go to the bathroom real bad.
Girl #2: What did you do?
Girl #1: There was an envelope in the cab, so I used it. Yes that was the time I pooped in an envelope in a taxi!
–2nd Ave Bus
Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!
–Uptown 2 Train
Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sandm
Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
–E 44th St & 2nd Ave
Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!
–Union Square
Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.
–The Village
Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.
–57th St
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Bearish guy: Did I tell you I got a lead in a film?
Friend: No. Congratulations!
Bearish guy: Yeah, it's a bear film–but it's not a porn!
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Daniel
