Preppy blonde: And I would be in the alley, all secret… And then out of nowhere people in the street would hear “Fuck yeah–crack!” coming from the alley, and then the police would come, and I would totally be saying goodbye to my chances at Yale.
Tiny brunette friend: Yeah, totally.
–82nd & York
Girl #1: So, Matt* is back with Della*.
Queer: Even though her vagina smells funny?
Girl #2: I need to pee, y’all.
–1 train
Overheard by: Dan
Chick: Before this summer, the last time I was in the city was winter break. Ben*’s fraternity was having a networking reception here and I came along as the trophy girlfriend, I guess.
Guy, coughing: Excuse me while I choke on all the WASP in that sentence.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Evie
Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Inkling
35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.
–R Train
Overheard by: Abby and Holly
20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."
–Union Square
Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.
–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd
African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.
–48th St & Broadway
Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl
Guy: Did you know that there are homeless people who live underground in the abandoned subway stations?
Girl: You mean like underground people? Wait, I’ve heard of them, they have a weird name!
Guy: Like “underground people”?
Girl: No, I saw it on Felicity.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: peter
Girl #1: Hey, I lived on the street with the street kids for like, six months. On the street. They were on drugs and stuff.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because it was fun…It was really only on weekends, though.
–St. Marks
Guy: I’m sick of these homeless hipsters. It’s like, you’re fucking
hipsters!
–St. Marks & 1st
Man #1: I mean, I don’t feel guilty about this.
Man #2: Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Man #1: I put a lot in this relationship.
Man #2: Yeah. Yeah.
Man #1: I took time out from work. Time from the club. Time from my wife and kids.
–Health club locker room
Guy ribbing friend in yellow, cropped pants: Hey, Banana pants!
Banana pants: I put a banana in your mother!
–Manhattan-bound 7 train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Katrink
20-something guy to friend: And then he died of a cocaine-induced overdose, while having sex with a prostitute.
Friend: That's awesome!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Katie Compa
Woman: I changed my ringtone to “In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida.”
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah. [sings song]Man: That’s “Hava Nagila.”
–The Thing, Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Guy #1: Wow, there’s a lot of weird stuff down here.
Guy #2: Yeah… this must be the “beyond” part.
–Bed Bath & Beyond, Chelsea
