Stoner #1: Yo, I’m Superman.
Stoner #2: If you’re Superman, I’m Superman too.
Stoner #1: How the hell can you be Superman?
Stoner #2: I’ll show you later!
–14th St., Union Square
Overheard by: Supacat
Stoner #1: Yo, I’m Superman.
Stoner #2: If you’re Superman, I’m Superman too.
Stoner #1: How the hell can you be Superman?
Stoner #2: I’ll show you later!
–14th St., Union Square
Overheard by: Supacat
Girl: Look at that guy. He’s such a loser. He’s wearing a fanny pack and he’s covering his ears. We’re at a concert. What is his deal?
Guy: The only thing that could be worse is if he had a Trapper Keeper.
–Roseland Ballroom, 52nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Harper
Woman: How’s witness prep going?
Man: Not good. I just can’t keep the story straight.
–Line to get into Daily Show
Chick: Does she think that looks hot?
Friend: She’s ten.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jax
Thug #1: What is that?
Thug #2 with safe-sex gift bag: One of them dental dams.
Thug #3: What’s it taste like?
Thug #2, licking it: Mmm.
Thug #3 takes it, licks it: Mmm.
Thug #1: I swear, I need to leave you in the ghetto. Damn, can’t even take you niggas out to eat!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Can’t help you there
Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a second.
He leans over and throws up on the sidewalk.
Guy on cell: What were you saying?
–59th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff Hubbard
Woman #1: I wanna get really stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.
–LIRR
Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.
–Broadway & West 4th
Overheard by: Julia
Chick in stall: Would you ever eat cereal out of my mouth?
Friend in next stall: Well, if I had that background music… Yeah, sure.
–Bathroom, Joe’s Pub
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
Dude #1: Yeah, man. Not cool.
Dude #2: Dude, why do I always have to be fuckin’ the girl everyone hates?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: good question
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
–Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
–1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
