Wednesday One-Liners Sit Shiva

50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.

–PATH

Overheard by: Joe H.

Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.

–Rivington & Attorney

Overheard by: I wasn't invited either

Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!

–West Bank Cafe

60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.

–Central Park

20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!

–7th Ave Subway Entrance

Posted on June 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

As If She Gives a Fuck What Coloreds Say

Girl from upstate New York: So are there a lot of colored people in Connecticut?

Long pause.

Black girl: We say black people now.

–FIT

Overheard by: LL

Posted on June 30, 2015
Black People, College, Girls, Questions, Race, U.S. Geography, Words

Ooo, Let's Become Blood Sisters!

Girl #1: So I told her she should totally come to the beach on Saturday, and you know what she said? She said she can't… she has her “lady friend.” And I was like “hello, tampon.”
Girl #2: I'm so over those.
Girl #1: That's what she said too.
Girl #2: Word!

–Bathroom, Central Park Playground

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on June 30, 2015
Central Park, Girls, Gossip, Menstruation, Parks, Relationships

It Depends on Where You Smoke Them

Guy: I need to shit.
Girl: You know, smoking will make you have to shit even more.
Guy: Yeah, I know, they’re laxatives.
Girl: They are?

–80th & 1st

Posted on June 30, 2015
Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Poop, Upper East Side

Best. Career Counselor. Ever.

Young Betty #1: Well, then, just stop complaining and become a hooker.
Young Betty #2: I don't even like sex with my boyfriend.
Young Betty #1: See? You're already nuts… you might as well get paid.

–R Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Advice, Girls, Gripes, Money & Class, On the Subway, Prostitution, Sex

It's Never Come Up

Girl #1: He's a really great guy, and even if he can't help you, he's cute and has the most charming Irish accent…
Girl #2: Okay, but does he speak English?

–Hudson & Leonard

Posted on June 29, 2015
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Languages, Questions, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

We Also Would Have Accepted ‘Date Rape’

Bartender: What’s your favorite word?
Drunk rich girl: Credit card!
Bartender: What’s your other favorite word?
Drunk rich girl: Money!
Bartender: No, the other one…
Drunk rich girl: Shots!

–Doc Holliday’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Your Mom

Posted on June 29, 2015
Bartenders, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls

Same Thing Happened to Me at a Strip Club. True Story

Pet shop owner: Don't touch the puppies!
Girl: He touched me!
Pet shop owner: He can't read. The sign is there for you.

–Pet Shop

Posted on June 28, 2015
Bosses, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Store, Weirdness

Oh Honey, That Never Takes Much

Girl #1: He doesn't even love you.
Girl #2: Yeah, but I'm the only one who can get him to cheat on his wife!

–Webster Hall

Posted on June 28, 2015
Girls, Infidelity, Love, Marriage, Upper East Side

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!

–Broadway & 13th

Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.

–The Village

Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?

–Mercury Lounge, LES

Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!

–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: ehka

Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.

–Fordham Gym

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Latinos, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Girls