Queer: I want to have sex with a girl.
Girl, laughing: Any particular girl? Or just any girl?
Queer: Any girl. I’ve been watching a lot of straight porn and it seems interesting.
–NYU
Queer: I want to have sex with a girl.
Girl, laughing: Any particular girl? Or just any girl?
Queer: Any girl. I’ve been watching a lot of straight porn and it seems interesting.
–NYU
Guy at bar: And so I keep trying to tell my wife that sienna is not a color.
Girl passing by: Yes it is! Burnt sienna is a crayon you slanderous prick!
–Restaurant, Bleecker Street
Teenage girl: Look at the headline on this magazine. There’s a quiz called “do you know if you’re a virgin?”
Teenage boy: Yes. Oh god, yes.
–Barnes and Nobles, Astor Place
Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.
–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.
–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Gail Montemayor
Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ’em to take all of mine and be all gums.
–D Train
Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer
Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.
–77th and 2nd
Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.
–Atlantic Mall
Overheard by: jsillyfun
Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…
–4 train
Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: LSB
Tourist: This is New York. Nothing happens fast here.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Get out of my way – I’m in a hurry
Empowered shopper: I have a cart. I can go as slow as I want.
–Chelsea Whole Foods
Overheard by: and she did
Girl to friend, after introducing her boyfriend: It’s not that he’s slow. He just hesitates before answering because he’s thinking of movie quotes and stuff.
–515 Bar, 34th Street & 3rd Ave
Mom of fast-walking baby: YO YO! Slow your roll.
–Grand St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering
Woman, while swiping metrocard: Gotta do it fast, just like a handjob.
–79th St Subway Station
Loud beeatch: Dammit, why you movin’ so slow? Don’t you know what city you’re in? Shit!
–42nd St & Madison
Overheard by: Jen
Conductor on PA: Attention, passengers. We have red signals ahead of us. Still working out the kinks. The good news is, once we get past Bergen, we’ll be back up to our normal speed. [pauses] which still isn’t too fast.
–F train
Overheard by: He ain’t kiddin’
Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.
–D train
20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.
–UWS
Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: westchester girl
Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.
–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights
B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: David
Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.
–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway
Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ladle
Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Krisztina
Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.
–11th & Bedford
NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Maya G.
Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken
Girl #1: I got completely wasted last night. I woke up outside my friend’s bathroom with my pants off, credit cards all over the floor. But here’s the thing -my top was on.
Girl #2: WTF?… What did you do?
Girl #1: I’m not sure…I don’t really remember. The last thing I remember is rubbing my face in some guy’s crotch with people in the room. Oh, he had his pants on, obviously.
Girl #2: You’re such a slut.
Girl #1: I know right. Anyway, my friend woke me up, telling me that I was going to miss the fung wah.
Girl #2, puzzled: Where were you going?
Girl #1: Boston.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’m really not sure.
–C Train
Overheard by: Noah Tizzle
Mom: So, when you send me a text message, is that free?
Twentysomething daughter: No.
Mom: Then stop texting me all the time!
Daughter: Oh, well it’s free for me. It’s just not free for you.
–D Train
Overheard by: NCS
Girl #1: I don’t understand why he was so upset. It’s not like I was being insensitive or anything.
Girl #2: Are you serious? You asked him if he had aids!
Girl #1: Yea, but only because he said he was gay!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Timmy Lee
