Guido teen #1: I’m serious, you do not want to go to jail in Europe!
Guido teen #2: For reals — they’re, like, mad strict over there…
Guido teen #1: Damn…
–42nd St, Astoria
Guido teen #1: I’m serious, you do not want to go to jail in Europe!
Guido teen #2: For reals — they’re, like, mad strict over there…
Guido teen #1: Damn…
–42nd St, Astoria
Guido #1: Yo, girl, wassup, wassup?
Pretty Asian girl, walking briskly: I don't want your services.
Guido #1: I don't got no services. Whachu talkin bout, services? Psh!
Guido #2: Yo, you would service her.
Guido #1: Yeah, bro, I would totally service her!
–22nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ilikecandy
Boyfriend: It’s called Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tromina?
Boyfriend: No, Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tarmina?
Boyfriend: No, tah-or-min-ah.
Girlfriend: Ta-roh-min-ah?
Boyfriend: How can you not say this? We’re fucking Italian!
–Mulberry St, Little Italy
Guido to chef: Ew, that looks like raw fish! It looks like salmon! Is that fish?
Japanese chef, cheerfully: It's chicken!
Guido: It looks like shit! I thought it was fish!
–Japanese Food Stand, Food Court, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Ashamed to be Italian…
Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?
–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope
Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.
–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall
Overheard by: Lysa
Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.
–Cardozo Law School
Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?
–NYU Dining Hall
Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Who'd have thought?
Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.
–Penn Station
Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.
–LaGuardia Airport
Guido: Excuse me, miss? Miss? Have I seen you in my church?
20-something girl: No.
Guido: No, no, I definitely saw you in my church. We go to the same one.
20-something girl, sighing: Sir… If I went to any house of worship, it'd be a synagogue. And I stay as far away from those as possible. Have a nice day now.
Guido: Aaaaawww, I liiike you!
–82nd & Broadway
Italian dude: So, are you interested in men?
Coffee house chick: I’m only interested in alternative lifestyle karaoke characters.
–Waltz-Astoria, 24th St & Ditmars Blvd
Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.
–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.
–7 train
Overheard by: bronwyn
Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!
–8th Ave
Overheard by: finds it comforting
Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"
–E 85th St & 3rd Ave
Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.
–Broadway & W 4th
Overheard by: Jake R
Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.
–6th Ave & Bleecker
Guido #1: So the fuckin’ Chink cop hands me the ticket, and I say, ‘Fuck you, ya fuckin’ Chink-ass cocksucker. Take this ticket and shove it up your Chink ass, you lo mein-suckin’, General Tso-fuckin’, slanty-eyed fuck.’
Guido #2: You said that to him?!
Guido #1: Yeah, after he drove away.
–Kings Plaza Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman: I really hope that you start doing some shit that’s smart.
–Broadway & Waverly
Businessman: The CEO’s a good ol’ Italian goombah from Bayonne.
–Midtown Office
