Guido #1: Ughh! Remember that gay guy who hit on me yesterday? In front of all my friends?
Guido #2: Yeah, but you were wearing that vest. That vest makes you look gay, you know…
Guido #1, indignantly: Noooooo it doesnnn'ttt!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!
–86th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.
Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome
Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.
–78th St & West End
Overheard by: jess_stang
Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.
–BAM Cinemafest
Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!
–E 7th St
Overheard by: Evan
Guidette: She is like that typical “no-tits, no-ass” girl.
Guido boy: Yeah, but she still gets more than you.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Heidegger Kid
Big Guido: Yeah, and now he's going to recycle his urine!
Small squirmy dude: Woah, cool! He's gonna make a ton of money.
–9th Ave & 45th
Teenage Guido on cell: The beer is staying in Marine Park. (pause) Yeah, we're going to Rockaway, but the beer is staying in Marine Park. In the alley. My alley! (pause) Yes! You don't understand English, dude!
–Burger King
Overheard by: Laura E.
Guy on cell: I'm always skeptical of people these days who say they want to go out in the Lower East Side. That makes me think they went to Trinity or Duke, and that they suck.
–S. Portland & Fulton
Guy on cell: This is a superficial neighborhood. They'll only hire you if you're young and hot.
–Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: didn't know my hood was superficial
Tan guy to messenger guy: So what kind of gay are you? Park Slope gay?
–23rd St & 6th Ave
Guy on cell, triumphantly: We're in the Financial District, bitch!
–Financial District
Guido in Mercedes, honking horn: Yo!
(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido: Can I talk to you?
(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido: What's wrong with me, no date?
(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido: Is it my hair, my clothes?
Jogging hottie, taking off headphones: I don't date Mercedes C230s.
–West Side Highway Jogging Path
Overheard by: La Diabla
College girl to friend, disappointed: You know? I only made out with one of them…
–NYU Dorm
(hobo shakes can with change and interrupts couple in heated makeout session)
Bitchy girlfriend, shrieking: Seriously? Seriously? Are you seriously asking me now? We're in the middle of making out. Seriously?
–Ave B & 7th St
Overheard by: friend of the mole people
Guido to another: When you're makin' out, the next thing you know, you could be bangin'.
–Staten Island
Girl to guy friend: Once you get married, we are never going to be able to make out anymore.
–Houston & Mulberry
Man to friend: It's like that time I saw two women on walkers making out. I love New York!
–45th & 10th
Overheard by: Drunk
Guido #1, outside gay bar, putting arm around another: Are you aware that this is the faggot spot?
Guido #2: Get the fuck off me, man!
–Union Square
Overheard by: amused
Guido, shouting: Yo, who leaves a fuckin' business card in the shitter? Seriously!?
Man from across bathroom: You should call the number on the card, maybe they'll give you a blowjob.
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: Michael
