Headline Contest Winners

In Her Defense, Most People Totally Suck

20-something girl: That's because your girlfriend hates me!
20-something guy, slightly chuckling: She doesn't hate you… she hates everyone.

–Times Square

Overheard by: sounds like a keeper

Headline by: slowly losing faith in people

Runners-Up:
· “…But It Wouldn’t Hurt to Lose a Little Weight” – ThugAuditor
· “God, I Love Her Genocidal Tendencies” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Told You, We Met at the Nazi Rally” – The Drifter
· “Now, If You’ll Excuse Me, I Have to Punish Myself for Saying That” – Jason
· “Or at Least Everyone I Want to Sleep With” – sagert
· “She Doesn’t Discriminate” – beans
· “She Even Hates Life Cereal” – Let’s Get Mikey
· “What I’m Really Trying to Say Is She Won’t Hate You More If We Fuck” – Zak
· “Which, OK, Technically Includes You. But Again – Threeway?” – been there

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Ennui and Apathy, Living in Perfect Harmony…

Tourist mom: Excuse me, miss, do you know how to get back to Manhattan?
Hipster girl: I’m sorry, I don’t really have the energy to give you fake directions right now.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Headline by: null

Runners-Up:

· “…Between the emphysema from the clove cigarettes and the anemia from cutting myself.” – invisible girl

· “And if I give real ones, I lose my hipster certification” – AmyS

· “But for $5, I’ll Pretend to Mock Your Fat Children” – Debra, the Barmaid Blog

· “I’m saving it all for defending my bitchy ass in Brooklyn” – knumb

· “When in doubt, Swim” – 6th Floor Blogger


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Apparently, Someone Is Acquainted with NASA's Standards for Launch-Readiness

Drunk girl: I'm unzipped and unbuttoned.
Passer by: Ready to go!

–Rubulad, Brooklyn

Headline by: unzipped, but buttoned.

Runners-Up:
· “…To the Bathroom!” – CherryPie
· “…To the STD Clinic” – JuzouShades
· “And Just Like That, Debbie Does New York Was Well on Its Way” – Buck Neked
· “Thunder! Thunder! HO!!!!” – John
· “Why Work for Sex When You Can Grab Low Hanging Fruit?” – the evan

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But isn’t Canada the Party School?

Frantic, screaming child: But I wanna transfer. I wanna transfer!
Calm mother: And where do you wanna transfer to?
Child: Australia.

–crosstown bus, 72nd St

Overheard by: steven
Headline by: woo hoo

Runners-Up:
· “And Try To Get Through Samoa at Rush Hour?” – Greg Costello
· “But It’s Always So Early There” – Kelsey
· “Kangaroos seek 21st century juvies for fun, romance.” – sidruid
· “Kids Say The Crikiest Things!” – josh
· “She drank a lot of Foster’s during pregnancy” – lc
· “This is why you should beat your children” – Adam
· “We Brits would have sent him for free in the old days” – Iain, London

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They Make Coffee-Flavored Condoms, Right?

Husband: I can't fucking believe you fell asleep while I was making love to you.
Wife: Yeah, well maybe if your dick was bigger, I would be more inclined to stay up!
(pause)
Husband: Maybe we should get a divorce.
Wife: Why? So you can bore some hot 20-something into falling asleep on your dick?

–In line, MOMA

Headline by: Baby

Runners-Up:
· “Cathy Once Again Uses Her Overwhelming Logic to Get Out Of Divorce” – Erica
· “Isn’t That What Roofies Are For?” – KJM
· “Narcolepsy Destroys Families.” – KJM
· “She Called It His “Snooze Button”” – Taylor-Like-Woah
· “The One Conversation That Every Married Couple Has Had at Least Once” – I know I have
· “This Performance Art Piece Will Be Here All Week” – TV

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I Locked the Gryffindor and Hung by My Tits from the Ravenclaws While Slytherin’ My Hufflepuff

Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.

–City Hall Park

Headline by: Lord Pervdevert

Runners-Up:
· “Nice.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “And That’s Why You Couldn’t Meet My Parents?” – Gerard
· “Best 13th Birthday Ever” – downtown
· “Just Another Night for JK Rowling” – Suzy
· “Rookie” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “Underage or Underloved?” – em

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What’s This “We” Shit?

Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Aaron Padwee

Headline by: Danny

Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo

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So You Should Probably Stop Making Out with Her

Hipster girl: You know Mabel’s dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]

–9th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch

Headline by: troy

Runners-Up:

· “And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose” – David Reitmeyer

· “If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I’d Never Have Named The Fetus” – ED

· “Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend’s cat in the microwave” – alexcalibur

· “There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!” – mimi marquez


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Wait, Let Me Make Sure the Flash Is On

Female tourist to friend: Oh my god, do we really get to take the subway? Gosh, you have to take a picture of me with the subway! C'mon, take the picture!
Man, overhearing: Oh my god, let's push you down the stairs and see how much you like the subway.

–Rockafeller Center Subway

Overheard by: Kirby

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:
· “A *Real* New Yorker Would’ve Just Pushed Her” – Thaniel
· “Give a Tourist a Pin and She’ll Remember NY for a Week, Push Her Down the Stairs, and She’ll Remember It for the Rest Of Her Life” – Prole
· “How Tourist-Tossing Got Started” – Barry
· “It Would Save Her That Stop at Planned Parenthood” – niqua
· “Throw in a Rape and Mugging and You’ll Get the Full Subway Experience” – Forensic Photographer
· “Why Is It Called “Tourist Season” If We Can´t Kill Them?” – Fresca P.

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Who Else Here Misses 'Boy Meets World'?

Teenage girl: Do you want to come?
Teenage boy: I want to come in your mouth.

–Broadway & 14th St

Overheard by: casey

Headline by: Postteen

Runners-Up:
· “A Young Christina Aguilera Gets Inspired” – PeterR
· “I’m Saving That Honour For Edward Cullen” – wirrrn
· “Just Let Me Take My Retainer Out This Time” – tatts
· “Oh, You Just Got Uninvited” – Stephanie Goe
· “Today’s ESL Class: Resolving Ambiguity With Prepositional Phrases” – Rionn Fears Malechem

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