Sometimes, Wednesday Uses One-Liners As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here.

–186th St & Bennet Ave

Overheard by: Rina

Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: MR T

Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer.

–Union Square

Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together.

–Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave

Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'!

–Greenmarket

Posted on December 23, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clerks, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Handicaps, Insects, Kids, Laundromat, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Retards & Handicaps, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Are You Tearing Up, Dude?

Student #1: I was on my way to work one morning, and I saw a live cockroach scurrying across the sidewalk in broad daylight.
Student #2: I thought that they don't like the light? I've only seen them at night and in subways.
Student #1: This was like a badass little rebel cockroach. I bet he got sick of being a slave to the darkness and dared to go where no cockroach has ever gone before. And all his cockroach friends were like “Don't do it, Jerry, no one's ever come back!” but they just couldn't hold him back.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Fordham Student

Posted on December 19, 2009
Advice, Fordham, Insects, Public Transportation, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Were Pretty Hot, Back in the Day

20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!

–27th & Lexington

Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!

–94th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Slapped her how?

Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!

–Murray St & Church St

Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…

–Houston & Allen

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Boyfriends, Dating, Family Ties, Friends, Girlfriends, Guys, Insects, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That's Stigmata, Ashley.

Girl: What have you been up to, Stephanie?
Stephanie: Oh, I work at an assisted living in Dedham.
Girl: Oh, I know that one. I have a funny story about…
Stephanie: Oh?
Girl: And by “funny story” I mean that I'm in love with your coworker's ex.
Stephanie: Wow!
Girl: Hey, does this look like a mosquito bite or a hive?

–Columbus Circle

Posted on November 2, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Insects, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

Makes Me Feel Closer to Tobey Maguire

Redhead: I thought it was a bee.
Brunette: It's a spider.
Redhead: Oh. I have them in my hair all the time.

–85th & 3rd

Posted on October 26, 2009
Friends, Hair, Insects, Upper East Side, Weirdness

If M. Night Shyamalan Made Kids' Movies

Young woman: Who wants to be a spider!?
Group of children: Yaaaaaaaaaay!

–Park Slope

Posted on July 5, 2009
Insects, Kids, Park Slope, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women

Do Wednesday One-Liners Get Published on Saturdays?

Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars??

–Office, 8th Ave

Overheard by: kpan

Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean?

–The Metropolitan Museum

Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here?

–W 103rd St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water?

–Jerome Avenue Line

Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train?

–Waiting Area, Penn Station

Overheard by: Not from New Jersey

Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw?

–Fisk Building

Posted on June 17, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bosses, Clerks, Directions, Elevators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insects, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Stupidity, The Met, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Plus, Don't You Have to Be Fat?

Hip Asian girl: I'm getting really interested in Buddhism.
Sassy gay friend: I like killing bugs too much.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: michelle

Posted on April 10, 2009
Asians, Buddha, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Insects, Murder, Queer guys

And It Was Cooked to Perfection

Young female at happy hour #1: So getting a free dinner was cool.
Young female at happy hour #2: Yeah, it's not like that roach was on the plate.

–7th Ave & 23rd St

Overheard by: Ed

Posted on April 4, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Free stuff!, Girls, Insects

Whooo! Check Out the Wednesday One-Liners on That One!

6'6" construction worker with another, to Applebee's host: For two, somewhere really romantic.

–Applebee's, 50th St

Construction worker with Staten Island accent: Chick's like a fuckin' black widow, like, she gets you all swollen up and then just leaves you to fuckin' die.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: need a tissue?

Construction worker to friend: That guy's got a job at fuckin' fudge pack city!

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

Black construction worker to girl on street: Giiiiiirl, you lookin' good. (to orthodox boys) See, it's that easy.

–Near Edward R Murrow High School

Construction worker on scaffolding, yelling to another: Look! It's a bird! No! It's a plane! No! It's my cock!

–Driggs & N 12th, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Rebecca