Girl, stung by bee: Ahhh! That motherfucker pinched me!
Boy: I’m gonna kill that nigga bee!
–125th & Broadway
Girl, stung by bee: Ahhh! That motherfucker pinched me!
Boy: I’m gonna kill that nigga bee!
–125th & Broadway
Tattoo guy on platform: Where are all the f trains?
Conductor: The early bird catches the worm…
Tattoo guy: What?
Conductor: The early bird catches the worm…
Tattoo guy: You better start fuckin making sense, asshole.
Conductor: Sorry, I don't come from that way.
–E Train
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4-dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
Teen girl to friend: My mosquito bites hurt so much!
Friend: Mine too! I think I have malaria!
Teen girl: You don't have malaria.
–Grand Central
Mom: Let’s go inside, these flies are driving me crazy.
Six-year-old daughter: But mom, it’s nature.
–Sidewalk Cafe, 120th & Malcolm X
Man: Would you rather have a hat made of spiders or penises for fingers?
–93rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Steve
Woman on cell: She told me she felt like a pecan pie covered in roaches. Isn’t that weird? So I told her, ‘Honey, it’s time to call the exterminator.’
–Smith & Warren St, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Hobo: You’re nothing but a flea on a tick’s ass!
–18th & Park
Hippie: So, I’m standing there naked and this roach is sizing up my junk…
–Shuttle
Overheard by: Capitalist Pig
Chick on cell: … Well, if you didn’t throw spiders at him…
–15th & 7th
Cube dweller: I think spiders would like my head — so much empty space to crawl around in.
–Butterick Building, NYU School of Law
Overheard by: missing in action
30-ish lady #1: Did you talk to your therapist about bedbugs?
30-ish lady #2: I only talk to my therapist about bedbugs.
–34th & Madison
Overheard by: K
Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.
–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.
–7 train
Overheard by: bronwyn
Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!
–8th Ave
Overheard by: finds it comforting
Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"
–E 85th St & 3rd Ave
Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.
–Broadway & W 4th
Overheard by: Jake R
Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.
–6th Ave & Bleecker
Girl #1: Dreadlocks are so dirty. How do you wash them?
Girl #2: My friend told me about this guy she knew whose dreads were so dirty that one day he found a scorpion in them.
Girl #3: Are you sure it wasn’t just lice?
Girl #2: No, it was a scorpion.
Girl #4: Well, wait, where was he from?
Girls #1, #3, and #4, together: Jamaica?
–41st & Madison
Overheard by: Scorpions are creepy
Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it.
–Governor's Island
Overheard by: Kevin
