Insults

The Very Limited Minutes Plan

An old Russian man has put his bag on the seat next to him. An old lady asks him to move it. He refuses as there are other seats albeit not in the front. Things get escalated until the old lady says: You’re a son of a bitch. I’d like to see you hit me with that. I’ll call the cops right now. I’ve got my cell phone!

–B1 bus

(After this exchange our editor handed her his card and told her that she would be on this site. She was confused on so many levels that they kind of cancelled out and she nodded & smiled.)

Wednesday One-liners are Criminal

Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life.

–Bx21 bus

Overheard by: Fiona

Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money.

–7 train

Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something.

–6th Ave. between 50th & 51st

Wednesday One-liners Mean Business

Asian yuppie: I think Victoria’s Secret is turning into the new McDonald’s.

–18th & 6th

Guy: Oh man, Gristedes can suck me off!

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Chick on cell: She just got this amazing job where she can live anywhere she wants in the Midwest!

–Prince & Broadway

Lady: You don’t have plastic bags? This is New York!

–Chipotle, E. 8th Street

Bloody Wednesday One-liners

Queer on cell: Yah, well, Terri Schiavo died this week, and so did the Pope. So it’s been a pretty good week.

–Chumley’s, Bedford Street

Overheard by: Initials

Girl on cell: Fuckety fuck fuck, I forgot to put on a tampon this morning. Shit, shit, shit! I’m screwed, Lizette, I’m screwed.

–Bensonhurst

Girl on cell: Don’t walk in the blood! Don’t walk in the blood! Oh ah aah!…Thanks lady, thanks for walking in the blood.

–Essex & Rivington

Overheard by: Nicole A.

New Yorkers: As Seen on TV

Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map.

–Union Square station

Overheard by: Craig D

A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look.

Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch!

–Bay Ridge

Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map?

–outside Grand Central

Overheard by: Dork

A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament?

–40th & 7th

How to Do Laundry, NYC Edition

Woman: Excuse me. I have to put something in my dryer.
Girl folding clothes: Oh, okay.
Woman: Excuse me! I have to put something else in my dryer.
Girl: O-kay…
Woman: Now I have to take something out of my dryer…unbelievable.
Girl: Wow, you’re a case!
Woman: I’m a what?!
Girl: A case. I’ve never seen anybody so worked up over laundry.
Woman: Well, you haven’t lived very long, have you?
Girl: Not as long as you!…Have a nice day!
Woman: Fuck you!

–York Launderette, York Avenue and E. 82nd

Don’t Hate the Wildlife, Hate the Game

Man on cell: I didn’t know it was your baby crying! I thought you were watching some animal show. I wouldn’t have made the comment about the hyena if I knew it was your baby!…Well, yeah, I probably would have…hey, whatever happened to you and ugly-ass Omar?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krista Gundersen

It’s Because I Ate All the Bananas

Salesgirl: How’d you get that bruise?
Customer: I was jumproping and I fell.
Salesgirl: Aren’t you a little old to be jumproping?
Customer: Aren’t you a little fat to be working at The Gap?

–The Gap, 48th & 6th

NewsFlash: New Jersey Builds Immigration Wall

Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.

–Bakery, 70th & Lex

My Babies Will Be Ugly on the Inside, Just Like Their Mother

Teen #1: No, like, I feel BAD for ugly babies. It’s not their fault.
Teen #2: I mean, it’s like, oh my God, your little girl is so cute… what, it’s a boy? Oh my God, I am so sorry.
Teen #3: People always thought I was a boy when I was little. It was, like, so weird. Because I was obviously really cute, and I… I still am. Right, ladies?
Teen #1: Um, can you hand me a paper towel?
Teen #2: I have a headache. Ugh. Damn morning-after pill. No ugly babies for me!

–TGI Friday’s, 59th & Lex

Overheard by: not admitting she was in a T.G.I.Fridays

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist