(Actually, Turtles Don’t Age)

Chick #1: So did you call him?
Chick #2: Nah.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: He literally looks like an old turtle.

–D Train

Posted on August 3, 2014
Age/Aging, Biotechs, Insults, On the Subway

The Virtue of Selfishness

Pastry Shop Worker: Is anyone willing to give up their seat for a girl that has to stand on her feet all day?
Train Riders: [SILENCE] Pastry Shop Worker: Come on, all you guys just go sit in front of your computers every day, how damn hard is that? I have to make shit for people and stand on my feet all day. You people are so selfish!

–6 Train

Posted on August 3, 2014
Blue-collar workers, Gripes, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Fun at the Post Office

A young man apparently cuts the line at the PO.

Old Italian: Hey, there’s a line here buddy.
Young guy: I waited already, I got money orders.
Old Italian: I didn’t see you anywhere near the line.
Young guy: I got money orders before and now I’m mailing them.
Old Italian: We’ve all got orders. Geez, no one wants to wait on line any more. And now the guy’s serving him.
Young guy: Shut up.
Old Italian: Ah, get lost, you idiot. If I was five years younger I would put you up against the wall.
Postal Worker: Next.
Old Italian: How much to send this express mail?
Postal Worker: $13.65.
Old Italian: Maron.

–Bensonhurst

Posted on July 31, 2014
Brooklyn, Guys, Insults, Italians, Money & Class, Old People, Questions, Talking/Convos, Threats, Vendors & Street Performers

Thankfully There’s Only 2 From Each State

Man #1: They’re just a bunch of high-class lowlifes.
Man #2: Yeah, and I’m one of them!

–D’Agastino’s, 26th St.

Overheard by: Megan Buckley

Posted on July 27, 2014
Friends, Grocery Stores, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Two Kinds of Dressing Down

Lowlife: I hate shopping.
Yuppie: You have to love it, because we really need to avoid this look.

–W. 8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Tibbie X

Posted on July 24, 2014
Advice, Fashion, Insults, Shopping, West Village, White Trash, Yuppies

Getting Served Left and Right

Teen subway dancer: Why you opening your mouth? No one’s talking to you.
Kid subway dancer: That’s why I got a mouth. So I can talk.
Teen subway dancer: I don’t like nosey niggers.
Kid subway dancer: At least I don’t sleep outside!

–D Train

Posted on July 24, 2014
Artists, Body Parts, Comebacks, Insults, Kids, On the Subway, Race, Talking/Convos, Teens

Ranch 1derful

Ranch One Flyer Guy: Ranch One. [pushes flyer] Lady: Ugh, get away from me.
Ranch One Flyer Guy: Screw you!

Posted on July 22, 2014
Harassment, Insults, Talking/Convos, Women

The Almost Naked Cowboy

A guido is wearing a black jumpsuit and hat when a middle aged woman approaches him.

Woman: Hey…cowboy hat, eh?
Guido: (tips hat) You got that right.
Woman: And is that…velour too, huh?
Guido: You bet. Only the finest.
Woman: Don’t even tell me. You wearing a g-string under that?
Guido: Actually, how did you know?

–MSG

Overheard by: Jay G