Young son: Your penis is bigger than my penis.
Father: I should hope so. [Several seconds later] Don’t touch it!
–Big Apple Circus, men’s room
Overheard by: Julian
Young son: Your penis is bigger than my penis.
Father: I should hope so. [Several seconds later] Don’t touch it!
–Big Apple Circus, men’s room
Overheard by: Julian
Dorky black kid #1: Dude, I’m a rebel.
Dorky black kid #2: Like James Dean?
Dorky black kid #3: Haha, bitch, you make sausage!
–6 train
Overheard by: Rebel WiithOut a Cause
Underage guy, as alarm sounds: Is it me? Am I setting off the alarm?
Underage girl: I think it’s your bag.
Underage guy: Maybe it’s because of all the booze I’ve got in my backpack.
Underage girl: Shut up!
–Kim’s Videos, St. Mark’s Pl
Black kid after seeing white girl in gym clothes run by: Man, for a second I thought that white girl was running from the cops too!
–Fordham Road, The Bronx
Overheard by: run, white girl, run
Middle-aged black lady yelling on crowded train: Young black men stand the fuck up! Kill the NYPD!
–A Train
Little kid to bus driver, after a police car siren is heard: Whenever I hear a police car siren, I always think that they are getting donuts, 'cause, ya know, cops love donuts, right?
–B41 Bus
Dude: I was playing the new GTA. I drove around looking for my apartment but couldn't find it, so I just shot a bunch of cops.
–Columbus Circle
Cop with M-4 assault rifle (serious voice, on a sunny day): It's raining men out here.
–86th & Lexington
Asian girl to friend: You know her! She’s the Asian girl — you know, the one with the eyes!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Chuckles
Little boy about Japanese man: Mom, how come that man is closing his eyes all the time?!
–Liberty St
Overheard by: galgal
Emo Asian boy: You can recover from drug or alcohol addictions, but there is no cure for Asianism.
–Weinstein Dining Hall, NYU
Drunk Asian man: Did you see that mosaic? It’s all wrong. The Asians were all one shade of yellow. What kind of art work is that? Look at me and my people — we’re multiple shades!
–R train
20-something woman: Being an Asian and being a tranny aren’t the same thing.
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk kid: Have you ever seen Asian female nipples?
Asian kid: What?
Drunk kid: I mean, not your own.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Evil
Girl looking at unisex bathroom sign: The bathrooms are bisexual!
–The Brooklyn Lyceum
Overheard by: Jordana
Hipster dude on cell: He broke up with me for a girl!
–St. Marks & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Amy
Woman on cell: Yes, baby, yes, I’m bisexual! I need a man right now. You ready or what?
–6th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: TK
Guy on cell: Damn, baby, it’s been months since we’ve had sex! Is it another guy? …Is it another girl?!
–Prince St
Overheard by: Suzy
Fourth-grade kid: See, what you people don’t understand is, my fists are bisexual — they hit both boys and girls.
–PS 34
Overheard by: Emily
50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.
–Chelsea Studios
Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants
Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.
–81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Flooey
Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.
–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah
Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.
–W 4th & 6th Ave
Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Emilia
Gangster to son: Yo, nigga, you better not do crack when you grow up.
Gangster son: When I be big, I'ma be a dancer!
–Broadway & Laffayette
Overheard by: alexjeff
Nerd kid #1: Look! I’m demonstrating gravity!
Nerd kid #2: No, you’re not. That’s pseudo-force!
–3 train
