Kids

How Tight Do You Wear Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Girl in sweatpants: I kind of want someone to pants me. Just so that I can show off my ass without being a whore.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Fabulous gay man to another: Ohmigod! I'm totally having a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment right now."

–9th Ave & 47th St

Teenage boy, screaming: I can't wait to get my pants off!

–Broadway & 52nd St

Man to seven-year-old daughter: Hold onto the rail so you don't fall. Cause if you do fall, we're all going to laugh. We're going to laugh really hard. We're going to laugh so hard we will shit our pants.

–N Train

20-something well-dressed girl to another: He comes home saying he won all this money, and falls asleep with his hands in his pants, and that's the end of the story.

–Bedford Ave & 7th

Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

Little White Girl Doesn't Get Uptown Much

Little white girl on cell: Well, of course he's hot, he's big and black and can't take the sun!
(looks at large black man next to her) I mean, he's a cat, and all furry and stuff!

–125th St & Lenox

Overheard by:

Is Daddy Just Visiting?

Mom to little girl playing Monopoly: You're not in jail, you're just visiting.
Little girl: Why would I want to visit jail?
Mom: I don't know, that's just the way the board is.

–Hudson River Park

In Summary, Daddy's Got Game.

Little girl: Mommy, why were you and daddy fighting under the covers today? Were you playing cards?
Mother: That is exactly what we were doing.

–JFK Terminal

Overheard by: Woman who sat in front of her

Jew Think?

Railway announcer: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, next stop Jamaica, Queens.
Little boy to dad: See, dad… I told you he said “yarmulke”!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Charlotte

Raise Your Hand If You Wish You Were Drunk

Loud tween girl: Did you know that I drank wine when I was a baby?
Friend: Huh?
Loud tween girl: Yeah! I drank wine when I was a baby. Did you know that if your mom drinks wine when she's pregnant, then you drink it too? My dad told me. He's a doctor.
Friend: Well, I drank beer once.
Loud tween girl: I tasted champagne on New Year's. But yeah, I drank wine when I was a baby. I probably got drunk!

–M23 Bus

Overheard by: I'd like a glass of wine right now

Groupies Are Born, Not Made.

Five-year-old girl #1, seriously: You know we're gonna need a drummer if we wanna sound awesome.
Five-year-old girl #2, enthusiastically: Yeah! Boom boom boom boom boom!

–Inwood Hill Park

Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants

Anybody Still Worried About Social Security Going Broke?

Mother, walking with two daughters: So what should we do now?
Little girl #1: Let's trip old people!
Little girl #2: I call mommy!

–Bayside

Overheard by: Danny

…But Yes.

Little boy, singing: “Shattered dreams… Shattered dreams…” Mommy, do you have shattered dreams?
Mother: It's not on my iPod.

–R Train

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