Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Six-year-old girl to middle-aged passenger: Well, I'm Jewish, but my parents are Aries. So I'm not really sure what that makes me.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: half Jewish, half Gemini

Guy: Oh, I know Jewish girls give good head!

–81st & Amsterdam

Awkward Catholic boy: These days there are more Jews in New York than Israel…and they all worship Barbara Walters as their Spider Queen.

–Steps of The Met

(outside the Marionette Theater's showing of Jack and the Beanstalk)
Four-year-old: Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Jewish man.

–Outside the Marionette Theatre, Central Park

Drunk guy inside German bar, pointing at small guy with a jewfro: Juden!

–German Beer Garden, Williamsburg

Overheard by: POLA

Woman on cell: Well, he wasn't as forthcoming with me as he is with you, probably because I keep telling him to stop dating that fat Asian girl and find himself a nice Jewish girl instead …

–Broadway & Prince

Posted on October 1, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Kids, Nazis, On Cell, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Soho, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

I'm Not a Wednesday One-Liner — You're a Turkey!

Hootchie, about subway smell: It smells like gooood chicken in here. Like McDonald's.

–86th St Subway Platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Barnard girl, indignantly: Chickens don't have thighs!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Thighless Wonder

Kid to friends: Oh, shit! I forgot there's a chicken in my backpack!

–Canal St Subway Station

Overheard by: Mel

Cracked out lady on one crutch to cashier: Do you guys still carry like, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches and stuff?

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Ben

Perspiring panhandler on definitely non-organic substances holding a can and singing: I love chickennn…chicken breastsss and thighhhs…chicken heads…mmmmmmm…I love them goooood (keeps going) Thank you. (extends his can for donations)

–7 Train

Overheard by: OG Bergenfield

Woman on phone with friend: I mean he wouldn't even cut my chicken in half for me at dinner. I was all givin' him shit for it. We got in this fight and I told him, "That's what people do to show each other that they care! They cut each other's chicken in half or make them a can of soup or whateva'!" You know what I'm sayin'?

–88th St & Broadway

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Columbia, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Homeless, Hootchies, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

Which May or May Not Have a Minimum Height Requirement

Old guy: I heard they have a ride for kids over there.
Ghetto guy: Are you kidding me? The only good ride you can get around here is nine chicks and one dude!

–Nostrand Ave & Ave Y, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amber S

Posted on September 30, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Guys, Kids, Old People, Questions, Sex, Words

Hey, Passive-Aggressive's Working Great for Me

Mom to tween daughter: Are you mad at me?
Tween daughter: No, I'm not mad at you.
Mom: Why aren't you mad at me? You have every right to be.

–NJ Transit

Posted on September 29, 2008
Default, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Tweens, Weirdness

I Gag Every Time I Look at 1970's Beaver Shots

Nine-year-old girl: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?
14-year-old girl: Well, I'm a Democrat.
Nine-year-old girl: Why?
14-year-old girl: Well, in my opinion, being a Democrat means you don't like Bush.
Nine-year-old girl: Oh. I'm a Democrat, too.

–Brooklyn Public Library, Greenpoint Branch

Overheard by: Jack Jackl

Posted on September 29, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Kids, Library, Politics, President, Questions, Teens

My Mom Says Hunger Makes You Pretty

Man collecting money: One penny, one penny! No one should be hungry!
Little child: You're wrong! Stop saying that!

–Waverly & University Place

Overheard by: Obviously a Republican

Posted on September 28, 2008
Default, Food, Homeless, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, The Village

Where They Let the Sunshine in

(after a performance of Hair)
Woman: What was your favorite part?
Four-year-old girl: I liked all the parts.
Six-year-old girl: I liked the naked part.

–Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Posted on September 28, 2008
Central Park, Default, Girls, Kids, Nudity, Questions, Theater, Women

Dude, Fist Bump!

College guy to eight-year-old boy: Is that your girlfriend? (points to eight-year-old girl playing in sprinklers)
Eight-year-old boy: No, I just like to get her wet.

–Central Park Playground

Posted on September 28, 2008
Boys, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Default, Frat Boys, Kids, Questions, Relationships, Sexuality, Words

To Be Fair, Skinny Jeans Are Much More Constrictive

Conductor #1: He's like “it doesn't bite!” I'm like “I know it doesn't bike…it constricts! The last thing I need is that thing getting loose and finding some four-year-old kid wrapped in a snake. You can get on, but Daisy stays on the platform.
Conductor #2: Who brings a snake out in public anyway?

–LIRR, Woodside station

Overheard by: I'm with the conductor on this one…

Posted on September 27, 2008
Animals & Nature, Conductors, Coworkers, Death, Default, Kids, Long Island, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Everything She Knows About Europe She Learned from Greek Tragedies

Male third grader: It's illegal to marry your sibling.
Female third grader: Yeah, unless you're from Europe.

–Bus

Overheard by: wishing i was still 8

Posted on September 26, 2008
Boys, Crime and Punishment, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Kids, Marriage, On the Bus, Weirdness

Kids