Girl: We were really drunk and didn't use a condom the other night.
Friend: It happens.
Girl: Afterward, he joked that I should get tested.
Friend: Hahaha, really?
Girl: We both laughed, it was funny…then he said, “no, seriously.”
–Williamsburg
Girl: We were really drunk and didn't use a condom the other night.
Friend: It happens.
Girl: Afterward, he joked that I should get tested.
Friend: Hahaha, really?
Girl: We both laughed, it was funny…then he said, “no, seriously.”
–Williamsburg
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works.
–B Train
Overheard by: JustMe
Conductor: The door in car number two is not working, if you are looking at this door not opening I recommend moving, youuuuuuuu might want to move.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Brian Broker
MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you.
–G Train
Overheard by: lolz
Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I'm already on the clock, I have nowhere to be.
–A Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y'all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let's go!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face.
–C Train
Overheard by: Chris
Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emily
Suit #1: Yeah, when my daughter is a teenager and boys come calling…
Suit #2, interrupting: You'll be sitting at the door in your underwear, smoking a cigar and polishing your guns!
(they laugh hysterically)
–E Train
Overheard by: Jess K.
Girl #1: He, he, he, just brrroke uuup with meee!
Girl #2: How, isn't he in Alaska?
Girl #1: No! Well, what do you mean? I was talking to my dad, the phone just broke up. I wasn't talking about him, I was talking about my dad!
(girls #1 and 2 laugh)
–Central Park
Overheard by: Anna
Hobo: Spare change?
Passer-by: Sorry, man.
Hobo: Really sorry?
Passer-by: Not sorry at all, actually.
Hobo: (laughs uproariously)
–Upper West Side
Drunk muscular hipster, after walking into a glass door (shouting): Yeah, you can laugh at me now, but you won't be laughing when I take my story to Fox News, jerk-wads!
–L Train
Overheard by: Tom in Bushwick
Black girl to black guy: I saw you with that girl “hahahaing” and “hohoeeing.”
Black guy: Ha ha.
–23rd & 5th
Professor: Martin Luther King, Jr had women in his hotel room. He was running around on Coretta.
Student: Maybe, they were studying the bible.
(class laughs)
Professor: Well, she may have been calling out Jesus's name. But they sure as hell weren't reading the bible.
Slow girl, five minutes later: Oh, I get it. Ew!
–Baruch College
Overheard by: kteezy
Ditzy chick: I'm not telling him that I love him because I don't want to set myself up for disappointment.
Flamboyant boy: Sometimes you have to take risks, or else you will never get “appointed”. (laughs)
Ditzy chick: Ha ha ha. “Appointed” isn't even a word.
–57th & Park Ave
Overheard by: Titiful
