Annoyed friend: Yeah, I like what you did with your hair. Seriously, it’s a nice look for you.
Vain guy: Thanks. You know, I’m always amazed at how a good haircut can drive away the usual enthusiasm for suicide.
Annoyed friend: Hold on. It doesn’t look that good.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jeremiah
Man: Wow, you’re here already? That was quick.
Woman: Yeah, if I was Adam Sandler I would have said, “That was click!”
–West 44th St
Overheard by: Tomer Langberg
Six young guys are trying to check into the Hotel Chelsea late on Saturday night of Pride Weekend.
Desk clerk: Two beds for four men, not six! Not six men for two beds. [Pause] That’s a different hotel!
–Hotel Chelsea, W. 23rd St
College girl: Oh. Did you use to ride horses as a kid?
Jappy guy: No. I’m just rich
–12th & 5th
Overheard by: Mehler
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I’ve been having the shittiest day today. No, it has nothing to do with our conversation this morning. Listen, believe it or not, I can have a shitty day that has nothing to do with you…Ugh, I have no idea why I called you. [hangs up] My fucking dad. I can’t even get a sympathy “it’s all rainbows and bunnies” phone-hug from him!
–Union Square W & 15th
Overheard by: someone who knows how she feels
Guy #1: So when I started telling him my feelings on the Iraq war, he rolled over to me in his wheelchair and started cursing me out. He was going on about his time in Vietnam and how there are things about war I’ll never understand.
Guy #2: That sucks.
Guy #1: I was like, “Whoa. You’re my shrink! I’m paying you to listen to me!”
Guy #2: Seriously.
Guy #1: Well, at least the co-pay was only $15. But anyway, I’m definitely not going back to him.
–Von, Bleecker & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Blondie
Woman: Damn, that Mexican is hungry.
Mexican with 10 bags: I’m the delivery boy, you dumb fuck.
–100th & Broadway
Overheard by: robby b
Mom: You see? You almost hit that nice lady. Then she would have sued you and took all your PlayStation games
–N 12th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sonibug13
Mom: No, Cyrus! Don’t touch that! You have ringworm!
–Post office, Upper West Side
Tux: You know my ex-boyfriend, right? Come on, you remember him. His sister was in jail with Amy Fisher?
–Therapy, 52nd & 9th
Tux: Stop singing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. That’s all I’ll ever ask of you.
–Tonys after-party for Jersey Boys, Hard Rock Cafe
Suit on headset: You know, I have been so gassy lately.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: yum
Suit on cell: Hey, I found this guy I thought I’d fix you up with, but I talked to Elliot and he said he wouldn’t cross the street to piss on him, he’s an ethical scumbag… Yeah, I know that’s what everybody says about Elliott.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ken
