“Young Adult” Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: No five-year-old should be asking for Chilean sea bass for dinner.

–Joralemon & Court

Dapper man on cell: You used to be able to pass for twenty… uh… eight.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Chuckell

Middle aged woman clutching Twilight book, trying to exit bus while reading: God! These novels for 13-year-olds make me hot!

–B7 Bus

Overheard by: i know, i love it too…

Prissy woman on cell: I don't care if he's six years old, he doesn't have to throw a fucking temper tantrum every time he wakes up. I mean, get over yourself.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Eric

Guy to friend: I'm thirty years old now. I'm over thirty. I don't know how to live. I'm an "adult" now. But I don't know how to live–without someone taking care of me.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jason B

Older woman to almost-dead father: Dad, the doctor told me I have a 45-year-old vagina!

–Manhattan Office

Posted on July 15, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bus, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Ethnic Food, Friends, Guys, Horny, Insults, Kids, Medicine, Men, Offers and requests, Office, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, Street, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Please Let Your Parents Be Axe Murderers

Man #1: Wow, this week sucked! I lost a few million dollars.
Man #2: Me too. I'm going to have to move back in with my parents.

–Park Ave & 39th St

Headline by: jon

Runners-Up:
· “How the Financial Crisis Brings Families Closer” – OfficeGirl
· “How the USA Became a British Colony Again” – BabakganoosH
· “We’re All Trillionaires in Zimbabwe” – erak
· “What Happens in Vegas Stays in the Basement Eating Ramen” – kwisatzdan

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 13, 2009
Gripes, Headline Contest Winners, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Parents

It Is My Crowing Achievement to Date.

Male Mets fan, when Tatis is at bat: Let's go, titties!
Female Mets fan: My son calls him that, ever since he heard a fan scream that at him last year at Shea. He goes, “titties, titties!”
Male Mets fan: Yeah, that was me!

–Citi Field Stadium

Overheard by: major

Posted on July 12, 2009
Men, Mets, Nicknames & name calling, Queens, Rack, Women

A Gay Guy Would Just Do It

Man: If I call you “honey” it's sexual harassment. If he says it, it's okay because he's gay.
Woman: “Honey” is nothing when you keep asking to feel my boobs.

–47th St & Broadway

Posted on July 11, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Harassment, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Rack, Women

Moral Of the Story: Don't Go to Brooklyn.

(train stops late at night, conductor orders everyone out)
30-something man with large black coat on: This is why I drive drunk! This is why I drive drunk! Because the trains suck! This is why I drive drunk!
20-something woman in heels: This is why I get in the car when he drives drunk! This is why I get in the car when he drives drunk!
30-something man: This is why I drive drunk! Fuck this train!
20-something woman: You tell them, uncle! You tell them!

–L Train

Posted on July 9, 2009
Cars and Driving, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Women

Kentucky Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Man to little boy: I can't believe you've never played tic-tac-toe with a chicken in Chinatown.

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ed

Hipster guy: I don't know though, I can't Indian give those chickens, can I?

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: BKLover

Older black man to himself, entering train with moving box: I got a live chicken in this box! I don't know why god gave me a chicken. He knows I don't know what to do with one. (a few minutes later) I'm gonna sell her to the butcher shop and they're going to cut that motherfucker up!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Mawy

Serious man, seeing dog carrying shopping bad in teeth: I am going to train a dog like that. I will train it to bring me chicken.

–73rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Large black dude to large black friend: Yo, man, I am so tired of chicken! I mean, yeah, I know, I'm black…but man, I ain't eating no chicken at that party man. Don't even bring no chicken by me, cause I ain't eating none. Matter of fact, I ain't eating no chicken for Black History Month. I'ma start the movement! No chicken for Black History Month!

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on July 8, 2009
Birds, Black People, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Food, Friends, God, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Race, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Have Lips and a Beard, but No Nose

Woman to friend: I just don't understand these women. I mean, get your head out of your bush and look around!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: rawr

Girl: Oh, I was wondering why my vagina was vibrating!

–Salvation Army, 11th & 4th

Man on sidewalk, waving arms: I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't get enough pussy!

–125th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: wonders why

Woman on cell: I get my pussy eaten out so much I don't even want it anymore.

–Staten Island Ferry

Girl on cell: Oh, come on, I can see her vagina from here!

–Court St & Dean St, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Astigmatic

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Licking, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Dirty Wednesday One-Linering

Tired thug teen, wistfully: I'd dance like crazy in a basement.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Two-year-old boy, pointing at three-month old baby: Isn't that guy in my dance class?

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Swimfan

Clueless man to friend: What do you call male ballerinas anyway? Ballers?

–Cirque du Soleil Show, Randall's Island

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Girl to friend: I didn't dance with him at all…I kept walking away from him…I wasn't actually a very good prom date.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: wink

Metrosexual on cell: Do you have a large table in your apartment? Is it large enough for five men to stand on? Of course, we won't be dancing!

–Upper West Side

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Dating, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Men, Metrosexuals, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Teens, The Bronx, Theater, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Isn't This from an Ionesco Play?

Man: Get over here!
Woman: My father is dead!

–Union Square

Posted on July 6, 2009
Death, Family Ties, Men, Parents, Union Square and East Village, Women

Subway Preacher Tip #403: Know Your Audience.

Jamaican man: The biggest issue of our society is not terrorism but men lusting after women's butts! If you lust after women's butts you will burn in hell! Women, do not show off your butts for you will burn in hell! Do not wear jeans or tight pants! Make sure you cover up your butts!
Passenger: I love the butts.
Jamaican man: Do you have no soul? The lust of the women's butts will only bring you to the devil! Please save yourself and stop lusting after the butts!
Passenger: Who loves the butts?
All men on train: Yay butts!

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: white girl with a big butt wearing tight pants

Posted on July 6, 2009
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Men, On the Subway, Passengers, Satan, Terrorism, Threats

Men