Moms

Wednesday One-Liners Paint with All the Colors Of the Wind

Young guy: If I see another blue penis it would be too soon!

–42nd St

Overheard by: alecko

Girl on cell: She just bought a merkin… It was pink, you know, to match her hair. (pause) Would you want to rub toxic dye down there?

–Williamsburg

Girl to another: Just because he is wearing a different colored shirt, he's still the same guy.

–Central Park

Flamboyant guy, shouting to girl in very short orange dress: I have that same orange dress in purple!

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Green Star

Mother to four-year-old wearing pink shirt and shoes: Not *everything* has to be pink, honey.

–Rite Aid, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Didn't Mean It Like That

Mother to two-year old son: Zachary, I am not continuing this discussion with you all day long! If you don't like what's in your mouth, just spit it out!

–Dunkin' Donuts

Nerdy Jewish Barnard girl on cell: I can just imagine it in my mouth, the taste of it.

–116th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sully

Young boy running with soaked t-shirt: I need to be squirted! Somebody has to squirt me!

–89th St

Father to young daughter: Want me to squirt it in your mouth?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Mark

Foxy Fox news producer to another: I know you wanted something hard, so I slipped you Shively!

–Starbucks

Well Played, Little Man. Well Played.

Little boy: Where's my hat? I need my hat!
Mom: Where's some manners? You need some manners.
Little boy: Actually, they're in my hat.

–Brooklyn

A Crime Against Humanity.

Mom: So Good Luck Chuck kind of sucked, huh?
Teenage daughter: Well, what did they expect? It's Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, for crying out loud! That's bad luck!

–Tomoe Sushi

Overheard by: Sromeo

I'd Eat Human Babies If They'd Make My Thighs Look Smaller

Little boy: The Russians eat brains?
Mom, looking at cookbook: This is a French cookbook.
Little boy: The french eat brains?!
Mom: Not human brains. Animals'.
Little boy: That's disgusting!
Mom: Yes, it's very high in cholesterol.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

And It's Gonna Be Wih Another Girl!

Little girl #1 to family: I'm going to be 30 when I have my first baby!
Mom: You know, you can have one earlier.
Little girl #2: I'm going to be 29!

–Tea & Sympathy

Overheard by: Not Preggers

I Blame Niel Simon

British mother to young son: No, I want you to wear shoes on the subway.
British son: But I'm already barefoot, so what does it matter?

–American Museum of Natural History

Weren't You Bush's Foreign Policy Advisor?

Mom: What did that little girl say to you?
Daughter: She said… that I'm ugly.
Mom: Well, you tell her that her mom is ugly. And then you punch her in the face, that's what you do. And then I'll go and punch her mom in the face! That's what you do!

–48th St & Broadway

…I Just Can't Read Yet

Mother: What do you have there?
Five-year-old daughter: My schedule.
Mother: Do you know what class you have first?
Five-year-old daughter: Mom, I'm not retarded.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Special K

…She's in Between Waxes!

Thugette, calling back friend's toddler: Come here, you drunken monkey!
Child's mother: Don't call her a monkey!

–H&M Fitting Room

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