Man: You’re not mad at me?
Woman: Nah. I can’t get mad at you, ’cause I look in your face and know you’re not a valiscious person. You don’t mean it. Some people, though — some people are just downright valiscious.
–30th & Madison
Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey
Trendy Asian girl #1: I’m so glad that we’re still friends and everything, after I dated your brother.
Trendy Asian girl #2: Oh, yeah, we’re totally friends now. I’ll share everything with you. Purses, shoes — everything. And that was sort of like I was sharing my brother with you, too!
–36th & 3rd
Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.
–NYU
12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Dia
Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.
–189th & Bathgate
Overheard by: Lyle
Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!
–6 train
Dreadlocked whitey on bike runs red light, almost getting struck by SUV.
Dreadlocked whitey: Hey! You almost hit me! Why don’t you watch where you’re going in that thing?!
Girl in SUV, out window: Jerkoff, you just went through a red light! I should have run you over on principle.
–34th & 3rd
Overheard by: Just trying to cross the street
Chick #1: Where do you wanna go eat?
Chick #2, points at sidewalk: Look, a sperm!
Chick #1: That is not a sperm!
Chick #2: It is!
Chick #1: No, it’s a tadpole!
–16th & 5th
Overheard by: Wow…
Girl: I still don’t understand the definition of emo.
Boy: It’s more emotional than other music.
Girl: Oh, please, everything is emotional. My face? Emotional.
–27th & 3rd
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Excited suit: … So it was like ‘Bang, bang, bang!’ A whole gang of managers was driving the stock down!
60-something suit: Hmmm. Gangbang?
–200 Park Ave
Overheard by: Can’t Believe I Butt Her
Man: There are always two sides to every conversation.
Woman: Yes, but there’s always a right side and a wrong side.
–34th & 5th
Chick #1: Where’s your tooth?
Chick #2: In my shoe.
–18th & 4th
Girl #1: When I first met my boyfriend, I wasn’t that into him.
Girl #2: Yeah, but there wasn’t an 11-year age difference between you two!
Girl #1: But he was German! That’s comparable!
–40th & Park
Overheard by: Kamilla
