Names

Young Mr. Duran Is Just Hungry Like the Wolf

Pretty teen girl #1: Did you know there's a guy in our school who looks exactly like Taylor Lautner?
Pretty teen girl #2: Seriously?
Pretty teen girl #1: Yeah. His name is Alison.
Pretty teen girl #2: Ew. That's such an ugly name!
Pretty teen girl #1: I know. He like, stares… If you turn around and look at him, he's looking at you. All the girls think he's staring at them. You know how all the girls in that group are pretty?
Pretty teen girl #2: I know! It's crazy!

–Starbucks, Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine Wallace

Macbeth: Is This Emily I See Before Me, Her Handle Toward My Hand?

Drunk man: What's your name?
Sober woman: Emily.
Drunk man: Can we talk, Emily?
Sober woman: Sorry, I have to go call my boyfriend.
Drunk man, clutching heart: Dagger! Your name should be “dagger.”

–Coming Out of UWS Bar

Overheard by: That's cold

What You Get for Dicking Around in History Class

Girl #1: Yeah, he knows Dick Clark.
Girl #2: You mean the ex President?
Girl #1: Lol! No!

–Office, Madison Ave & 49th St

The Prince Of Darknesss Looked Exactly Like Donald Trump

Customer: So, what casino did you go to?
Clerk: The Taj Mahell.

–Smoke Shop, East Village

Overheard by: Evan

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

What's Vin Diesel's Excuse?

Dad: It stars Vin Diesel.
Teen daughter: More like Win Diesel!
Dad: Winn Dixie?
Teen daughter: Because of Vin Dixie?
Dad: Because of Vin Diesel.
Teen daughter: I think you broke my brain, dad.

–Grand Central

Kids! How Many Things Can You Find Wrong with This Quote?

Girl to friend: I think her name's Elizabeth.
Friend: My friend's name is Elizabeth! She's a twin.
Girl: Is she? What's that word for “identical”?
Friend: Yeah… “fraternal.”
Girl: Yeah, everyone is named Elizabeth.

–47th St & 3rd Ave

Actually, There's One Near Me Called “Yummy Taco.” True Story.

Guy: There are actually a lot of Chinese-run Mexican restaurants popping up now.
Girl: What do they call them? “Double happiness taco”?

–Grand & Driggs

Overheard by: Claire

Like We'd Name a Street For That Guy

Woman on cell inside bus: Yeah, I'm in Kissinger Boulevard.
Bus driver: It's Kissena, hon.
Woman: I ain't talkin to you! (pause) Anyway, sorry… Kissinger. Yeah.

–Q25 Bus, Flushing

DiCaprio?

Husband: I can never remember the name of the other one. There's D'Artagnan, Aramis, and Porthos. I always want to call the last guy “Pathos,” but I know that's not it.
Wife: Isn't it Leonardo?
Husband: No, that's one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

–55th St & Madison Ave

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