Shocking That the MTA Hasn’t Figured Out a Way to Make Money Off of This

Man, watching display for track announcement: Oh, look, it says “Stand by”! Here it comes! Whaddaya think it’ll be? I’m betting on 9.
Woman: Oh, I say 10. What do you think, mom?
Older woman: Er, 11.
Man: How about you, Fred*?
Older man, not very interested: 5, I guess.
Man: 9 comes up a lot. I take this train all the time and it’s almost always 9. I’ll give you 2 to 1 odds on 5, though. 2 to 1, Fred*.
(older man ignores him)
Man: Come on 9! Damn it, now that guy’s standing right in front of it. Do you believe that? Down in front! Go 9!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on July 25, 2008
Default, Men, Old People, Only in New York, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Women

But That’s What You Said About Cornell!

Older man (looking at the Chrysler building): Look, there’s the Empire State Building!
Teenage girl: What do they do in there? I mean, what is it?
Older man: It’s a college.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Posted on July 25, 2008
Default, Education, Girls, Lies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Questions, Street, Teens, Tourism

The Sane Are Held to a Higher Standard

(hip girl yells in excitement)
Old woman on street: Grow up!
Hip girl to friend: God! Homeless people spend all day screaming on the street and no one tells them too grow up.
Hip friend: Yeah, it’s not your fault that your dad’s a republican.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Posted on July 19, 2008
Age/Aging, College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Homeless, Manhattan, Offers and requests, Old People, Parents, Politics, Women

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners Can Dream, Can’t They?

Old man: Hah! I fell asleep at her funeral!

–3rd Ave, b/w 10th & 11th

Overheard by: j

Man to woman: Hey you! You were in my dream last night. You, myself and a bunch of people in the office were having an orgy on a mattress right in front of our office. At first it was great, but then it became awkward because people kept walking into the office and we got in their way.

–34th St & 6th Ave

Man with French accent on cell: Do we have room for her, or will she have to sleep in the dungeon?

–32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: LC

(guy is woken up by a friend after falling asleep on the train)
Guy: You dude, why you wake me up! I was having the best dream. There was shorties everywhere. There was shorties in trees and shit!

–2 Train

Conductor: For all of you running late, we are being delayed by another train with the emergency break on. Or you could tell ’em you just slept in today.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dreams, Foreigners, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Orgy, Public Transportation, Questions, Subway conductors, Time, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

At Some Point, You Get to Eat and Drink What You Like

Old man: I drink three Cokes a day!
Lady: Three Cokes! You’re in bad shape!
Old man: *I’m* in bad shape? I am 90 years old!
Lady: But Coke is bad for you! It’s full of chemicals that will mess up your biology!
Old man: Are you a biologist?
Lady: (after a long pause) Yes.
Old man: Okay then. Bye.

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Bemused

Posted on July 15, 2008
Advice, Age/Aging, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Jobs & Careers, Men, Old People, Women

Actually, He Has Three

Male retiree: Do you have any books by Stephen Hawking?
Librarian: By him or about him?
Male retiree: I don’t know. An easy one. Did you know he has two kids?
Librarian: No…
Male retiree: Yeah, I saw him on PBS last night, he’s, you know… And he has two kids!
Librarian: He must be proud.

–Brooklyn Library

Posted on July 11, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Brooklyn, Default, Disabilities, Kids, Library, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, Questions, TV

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compliments, Food, Girls, Guys, Italians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women

Raise Your Hand If You Wish You’d Been There

20-something tall black bellhop: I challenge you, right now, to a salsa dance-off.
70-year-old short Latino bellhop: Go get a radio.

–Peninsula Hotel

Overheard by: Carol

Posted on July 6, 2008
Black People, Coworkers, Dancing, Default, Hotels, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Offers and requests, Old People

He Said It with an Ominous Voice and a Mr. Burns Finger-Touch

Elderly woman on stretcher: Is the ambulance heated?
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver: Yes.
Elderly woman on stretcher: I’m gonna freeze to death.
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver (smiling, tenderly): No, you’re gonna sweat to death.

–63rd b/w Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Paul Tabachneck

Posted on July 6, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Default, Fears, Medical Workers, Old People, Questions, Sweat, Upper East Side, Weather, Weirdness, Women

Old People