Crazy guy: I don't give a fuck! I'll fight all ya'll muthafuckas! I'm from Brooklyn East New York, nigga! I'll fuck up every muthafucka in here…
Old guy: Bitch, you step on my shoe! I'll take my belt off and beat your ass with it! Look at my hair- it's grey! You don't talk to me like that, I beat your ass!
Crazy guy: Uhh… I don't fight old people–that's bad luck. (awkwardly exits car)
–1 Train
(old man with granddaughters talking to young man next to him)
Old man: Do you think these girls are pretty?
Young man: Sure, they're pretty.
Old man: Should you like to go on a date with one of them?
Young man: I'm gay.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Brooklynisbetter
Girl on cell passing by: That sounds great, honey, but there is no possible reason you'd need to shove an entire lime in the garbage disposal.
–Lafayette & Houston
(tourist lady eats banana)
Ferry bag lady: Why are you eating that banana? You know it's not healthy for you. They say you need potassium but you don't need no potassium. You don't want no banana, it's nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that banana. You don't want no nasty mushy banana.
(bug-eyed tourist lady continues to eat banana)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Five-year-old girl, sitting in the grocery cart next to her twin sister, as their mother pushes them around the store: You're squishing me like a pineapple! You're squishing me like a pineapple, I said!
–9th St Market
Overheard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huckabay)
Old man with Boston accent to prepubescent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it's like you have a blueberry bush.
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Anniemal
20-year-old bakery chick: I was in Brooklyn yesterday on 18th Ave. There were three Mexicans on bikes. One was dressed like a banana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: "Dude, you're dressed like a banana and you're on a bike, that's awesome. Can I take a picture of you?"
–Bakery, Staten Island
Overheard by: Traci Cuccurullo
Loud girl: I never wash my fruit! I eat things that have fallen on the floor! And that's why I don't have allergies!
–375 Hudson St.
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Man, watching display for track announcement: Oh, look, it says “Stand by”! Here it comes! Whaddaya think it’ll be? I’m betting on 9.
Woman: Oh, I say 10. What do you think, mom?
Older woman: Er, 11.
Man: How about you, Fred*?
Older man, not very interested: 5, I guess.
Man: 9 comes up a lot. I take this train all the time and it’s almost always 9. I’ll give you 2 to 1 odds on 5, though. 2 to 1, Fred*.
(older man ignores him)
Man: Come on 9! Damn it, now that guy’s standing right in front of it. Do you believe that? Down in front! Go 9!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Older man (looking at the Chrysler building): Look, there’s the Empire State Building!
Teenage girl: What do they do in there? I mean, what is it?
Older man: It’s a college.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Eric
(hip girl yells in excitement)
Old woman on street: Grow up!
Hip girl to friend: God! Homeless people spend all day screaming on the street and no one tells them too grow up.
Hip friend: Yeah, it’s not your fault that your dad’s a republican.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: dobby
Old man: Hah! I fell asleep at her funeral!
–3rd Ave, b/w 10th & 11th
Overheard by: j
Man to woman: Hey you! You were in my dream last night. You, myself and a bunch of people in the office were having an orgy on a mattress right in front of our office. At first it was great, but then it became awkward because people kept walking into the office and we got in their way.
–34th St & 6th Ave
Man with French accent on cell: Do we have room for her, or will she have to sleep in the dungeon?
–32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: LC
(guy is woken up by a friend after falling asleep on the train)
Guy: You dude, why you wake me up! I was having the best dream. There was shorties everywhere. There was shorties in trees and shit!
–2 Train
Conductor: For all of you running late, we are being delayed by another train with the emergency break on. Or you could tell ’em you just slept in today.
–D Train
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Old man: I drink three Cokes a day!
Lady: Three Cokes! You’re in bad shape!
Old man: *I’m* in bad shape? I am 90 years old!
Lady: But Coke is bad for you! It’s full of chemicals that will mess up your biology!
Old man: Are you a biologist?
Lady: (after a long pause) Yes.
Old man: Okay then. Bye.
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bemused
Male retiree: Do you have any books by Stephen Hawking?
Librarian: By him or about him?
Male retiree: I don’t know. An easy one. Did you know he has two kids?
Librarian: No…
Male retiree: Yeah, I saw him on PBS last night, he’s, you know… And he has two kids!
Librarian: He must be proud.
–Brooklyn Library
Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.
–1 Train
Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?
–17th & 7th
20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?
–LIRR
Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!
–Washington Square Park
Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!
–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue
