Conductor on crowded rush hour train: The next stop is Delancy Street, and I order at least half of you to get off this train at that station.
(train arrives at station)
Conductor: Get out!
(train is leaving station)
Conductor: This is a not-so-crowded f train to Brooklyn. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–F Train
Overheard by: Miri
Mom: If you don’t behave, you’re not going to get any milk. Oh, no, you’re going to get soy milk.
Screaming child: Nooo!
Mom: Yes. Soy milk. Just like when daddy was a vegan. And we don’t want that, now do we?
–1 train, near Columbia
Man: Do you need some help with that stroller, Miss?
Mom to kid in stroller: This ain’t no Bum-a-Ride — get up, fool.
–A train, Rockaway Blvd
Hipster girl: You know, I was really, really dreading that family dinner, but it wasn’t so bad…
Mom, complacently stroking umbrella: Yeah, apart from the part where he tried to stick the knife down your pants, I thought it went really well!
–F train
Girl #1: So, seriously, his name is Meredith? Like “A Boy Named Sue?” Seriously?
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously, it's like that show… The one with, you know, the guy, and that's his name… You know, that show we watched last night.
Girl #1: Yeah, that show, with the hot guys?
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously hot.
Girl #1: Seriously.
–6 Train
Overheard by: I don't think they were serious
Middle-Aged woman: I don’t know why everyone is giving Mel Gibson such a hard time. He didn’t kill six million Jews; the Nazis killed six million Jews. And you never hear anyone say anything bad about the Nazis.
–1 train, 110th St
Overheard by: Eli Feldblum
Teen girl #1: I was thinking about Daylight Savings Time yesterday, and I was wondering… When we, like, lose an hour, are there still 24 hours in a day?
Teen girl #2: Hmmm… I don’t really know… I guess not…
–2 train
Overheard by: scared for the future of america
Schoolgirl #1: The sun rises in the west and sets in the east, right?
Schoolgirl #2: No, no, no! It rises in the east! Girl, you need to learn your temperatures!
–N train
Teen boy #1: We’re getting back pretty late. What are you going to tell your mom?
Teen boy #2: I’ll say we were at dinner until 10:00, and–
Teen boy #1: No way! We went to dinner at 6:15! There’s no such thing as a four hour dinner!
Teen boy #2: Okay, I’ll say that we went to dinner at 7:15, and that we stayed until 8:45 because it was a buffet…then we went and hung out at Times Square–
Teen boy #1: You should tell her that I did something bad, otherwise she’ll be suspicious.
–N train
Girl #1: I heard on a show that Times Square was getting seedy again.
Girl #2: Times Square should be seedy. Tourists come here and they want to see hookers and pimps and drug dealers hanging around. Not the Prudential Financial display.
–Times Square
High school girl #1: So what made you think that you were PG?
High school girl #2: Why do you think a woman would think she was pregnant?
High school girl #1: I don’t know, you had sex?
High school girl #2: Well, I missed my period. I am sure I was pregnant. Isn’t that how it works?
–3 train
Overheard by: mickthequick
