Mom: Hold my hand! It’s too crowded for you to let go of my hand!
Dad: He think he grown, but he ain’t grown yet.
Mom: I know, waking up all early in the morning.
Dad: Next time he does that, thinkin’ he’s all grown, tell him to change his own shitty Pamper.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: J. Noelle
Ghetto mama: Gimme some of yo’ Skittles, boy.
Little boy: No, they be my Skittles.
Ghetto papa: Boy, you best to give yo’ mama some Skittles or yo’ ass is nevah gonna taste that rainbow again.
–1 train
Old White man: I have never seen a mother treat a child in such a way.
Latina mother: Dude. You don’t even want to fuck around with a crazy bitch from the Bronx.
–4/5 train
Overheard by: Taryn
Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.
–45th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Morgan
Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!
–6 Train Station
Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!
–23rd & 9th
Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: David Fishkind
Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alexandra
Madison Square Garden worker: Sir… Sir! Sir, where the hell do you think you're going?
Man, with five-year-old kid: I'm gettin' in the line for the bathroom.
Madison Square Garden worker: Sir, it looks to me like you're trying to get into the ladies bathroom.
Man: But I got a kid!
Madison Square Garden worker: Did you give birth to your kid?
Man: No!
Madison Square Garden worker: Then it looks to me like you're in the wrong fuckin line.
–Madison Square Garden
Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stunned!
Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.
–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: jane
AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.
–AT&T Store, Union Square
20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?
–61st St & Lexington Ave
Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!
–42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Weekender
20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.
–East Village
Overheard by: also tired
High school girl #1: My family is full of sluts. My sister just had a baby, my cousin just had a baby, my other sister just had a baby…
High school girl #2: So your mom’s a slut, also?
High school girl #1: Naw, my mom ain’t a slut.
–L train
Girl #1: So, yeah, his dick was this big (stretches fingers). I guess the rumors about black guys are true.
Girl #2: Kinda reminds me of my dad.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2, awkwardly: I was only joking!
–Broadway
Yuppie mother: So, Dad said only if you’re really good and you don’t fight with your sister anymore, he’ll get you that new video game you wanted.
Kid: Dad’s a dick. Why’d you marry him, again?
–9th St & 6th Ave
Guy: Hey, you`ve been reading that book for a long time.
Girl: It’s a good book. It’s my dad’s. He already finished it. He’s reading mine.
Guy: What’s it called?
Girl: Children of Cain.
Guy: What’s Cain?
Girl: I don’t know. Dad?
Dad: I think it’s from the Bible.
Guy: Ah.
Mom: Cain was from the Bible, he was one of two brothers. And I believe he did something naughty.
–Metro-North train
