Parents

Wednesday O-o-o-oooo-One-Liners

Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"

–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: also loud

Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.

–116th & 1st

Overheard by: DonnaRae

Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: intern2

Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."

–Mercer & W 3rd

Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!

–East Village

20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.

–Express Bus to Brooklyn

And a Pimp Really Has to Have Some Sort of STD, You Know

Teen boy #1: So why did your dad lose his job?
Teen boy #2: All I know is that he had hepatitis for six months and cured it by eating nothing but fruit.

–83rd & 16th, Brooklyn.

Overheard by: Porko Rico

Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo

And the Women Are Just Indiana Jonesin' for Him

20-something guy #1: Every guy wishes Harrison Ford was his father at least one time during his life.
20-something guy #2: Oh, absolutely!

–Starbucks, 17th & 6th Ave

Dad's Still Hoping for a Little Lesbian

Little girl, pointing at a bathtub full of candy balls: What are those, daddy?
Dad: Those balls are dirty.

–Candy Shop, 63rd St & 3rd Ave

Wait 'Til They Have Their Sex Conversation

Five-year-old kid: What's that?
Mom: That's baseball. Like on a Wii but in real life.

–Central Park & E 96th St

You Have Measured Out Your Life in Baby-Food Spoons

Five-year-old girl: Mommy, come on. This is not your time.
Mommy: When is my time?
Five-year-old girl: Never!

–Barnes & Noble, Chelsea

Overheard by: ruby

And Stop Waving That Around

Four-year-old boy: I'm sexy.
Mother: No, you're handsome.
Four-year-old boy: I'm sexy!
Mother: No! You're handsome!

–D Train

That’s Not What You Said on the 1 Train

Six-year-old blonde girl with a Hanna Montana purse: Daddy, it’s so dark, isn’t this romantic?
Dad, nervously looking around: No, this is the farthest thing from romantic.

–7 Train

Sorry– I Only Meant We’re Too White to Get Off Here

Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)

–Metro-North, Harlem

Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop

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