Boy: Where did Mama go?
Dad: To the ladies’ bathroom. She’s a lady.
Boy: She’s not a lady!
Dad: She’s not?
Boy: No way!
–Waldorf-Astoria men’s room
Boy: Where did Mama go?
Dad: To the ladies’ bathroom. She’s a lady.
Boy: She’s not a lady!
Dad: She’s not?
Boy: No way!
–Waldorf-Astoria men’s room
Girl #1: Your mama is so fat that she jumped in the pool and yelled “2012!”
Girl #2: What?
Boy: Have you heard of “yo mama” jokes?
–Harman St, Ridgewood
Overheard by: John Ainley
Gay guy #1: I would go crazy if my mom died, I would be on Vicodin.
Gay guy #2: You are on Vicodin.
Gay guy #1: I know.
–D Train
Naive heterosexual friend: So when did you know you were gay?
Flamboyant homosexual friend: When I was sucking my daddy's dick while he was fucking my mom.
Naive heterosexual friend: Wow. Just… wow.
–SoHo
Guy on cell: Just because I slept with your mother doesn't mean you could call me daddy!
Girl on train: You could be my baby's daddy if you want!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Richard B.
Boy: You know what, I don’t know anyone who has such good taste in fashion as me, and I’m only twelve!
Mom: Honey, stop saying those things. People will think you’re arrogant.
Girl: It’s only arrogance if you’re wrong.
–McDonald’s, Times Square
Old lady to husband: I heard Britney wants to adopt some pets instead taking care of her children.
Husband: They should just leave her alone.
Old lady to husband: Now you are defending her?
Husband: Not only defending her, I would wipe-lick her butt and ass-rape her until she farts cum.
–1 Train
Overheard by: gio
Student: That man is giving away free juice. Can we have juice?
Teacher: No. Then you’ll have to pee during the show, and I’m not disrupting the whole theater to take you to the bathroom.
Student: You’re the meanest teacher ever!
Teacher: I’m training to be a mommy. How am I doing?
–Minskoff Theatre
Yuppie father: You will learn Italian.
Four-year-old daughter, yelling: Noooo! I wanna have fun!
Yuppie mother with French accent: But you had fun learning French! You will have fun learning Italian.
Four-year-old daughter: Nooooooooo!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Upper East Side mom #1: So then I go twice a week over to the JCC, and after I get back I take them.
Upper East Side mom #2, looking disgusted: You mean the JCC on the West Side?
Upper East Side mom #1: Yes.
Upper East Side mom #2: Oh my god! You are a dedicated mother.
–Dalton Physical Education Center, 87th & 3rd
Overheard by: West Sider
