Long-haired dude: You penised his penis with your penis!
Creepy chick: Dude! That’s, like, penis cubed!
Long-haired dude: Damn. How many penises is that?
Creepy chick: Well, three. Penis times penis times penis. Duh.
–56th & Lex
Overheard by: i never passed math
Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on.
–Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jaina Wald
Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!
–Wall & Water
Overheard by: Aubrie
Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy?
–Central Park
Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms?
–Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus
Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Natalie
Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.
–22nd & Broadway
Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern!
–45th & Lex
Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum!
–34th St
Overheard by: naidababy
Homeless man: If I can’t get me a girl, I’m gonna masturbate until my dick falls off!
Nearby butch-looking chick: Yeah!! Me, too!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: smokincat
Fag hag: So, how was it?
Urban queer: Girl, it was a week ago and I'm still washing the taste of his dick outta my mouth!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Matthew
Woman in workout clothes: It definitely does not grow with age because he's 23 and he has the tiniest penis.
Friend: Yeah, I totally agree…
–Union Square
Overheard by: squeaky
Drunk girl: What, you think you have a 25-inch dick? I’m not afraid of a 25-inch dick! I haven’t seen your magnum dick! Show me your magnum dick! Take a magnum condom and put it on a corn cob! I didn’t see your magnum dick! [Gets on train.] Diiick! Maybe there are some babies on the train, so I’ll be quiet. They don’t know what a big dick is. [Points at female riders] But they know what a big dick is! They know why they didn’t get on the train! I’m not afraid of a big dick! I didn’t see his big dick! [To male rider] You’re not afraid of a big dick, are you? If I had a big dick, I would push it up on someone. I wouldn’t care if they didn’t want it. [More people get on.] You’re not afraid of a big dick, Sparkly Jacket Man! Sparkly Jacket! You like a big dick, Hot Blue-Jacket Girl? It’s the holidays! We should have cheer! Let’s pray! Pray to Christ! Dear Christ and your big dick, you thrust forth and created this great nation with your sperm, Christ. Pray with me to Christ and his big dick!
Women having own convo: Yeah, so Jerry Seinfeld is coming, and my boss wanted me to get tickets.
Drunk girl: Ohhh, Seinfeld is coming! You guys like a big dick? Christmas spirit! I love all y’all. I want to give every one of you a kiss on the cheek! And a glass of champagne! Christmas spirit! With your big dick!
–L train
Overheard by: Anna
Girl #1: Why do I always go for the dicks?
Girl #2: Because otherwise you’d be a lesbian?
–Union Square
Girl #1: Once you've seen one, you've seen them all.
Girl #2: But…
Girl #1: I'm telling you, there's no such thing as a five-foot dick!
–High School, Upper West Side
Overweight black woman #1: She's just lying on the beach now, sippin' Bahama Mamas or some shit.
Overweight black woman #2: Shoot, girl. That's the life.
Overweight black woman #1: Ah, hell no. Fuck Bahama Mamas. I need me a penis, alotta.
–St. Mark's Place & 1st
Overheard by: Danny
20-ish guy: I wish I had a gi-normous cock. I mean, a cock the size of a baseball bat.
20-ish girl: What would you do with it? No woman could fit it in.
20-ish guy: Doesn’t matter. If I had a cock that big I’d never have to argue with anyone again.
20-ish girl: How do you figure that?
20-ish guy: If someone disagreed with me I would take out my 34-inch cock, flip it up on the table like a mutant Chateaubriand and make a face like this [makes a ‘So there!’ face].
20s-ish girl: So, let me get this straight: You think that a giant penis trumps a logical argument?
20-ish guy: Well, doesn’t it? Like with that guy you met in Aruba last winter?
20-ish girl, after long stare: I told you never to mention that again.
–Bar, Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Big Larry
