People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Santiago and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn

Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.

–Townsend Harris High School

Overheard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)

–McDonald's

Posted on May 18, 2016
Activists, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Drunks, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Girls, Guys, Madison Square Garden, One-liners, Penis, Rednecks, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Posted on March 7, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Food, For Sale, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Pictures, Punks, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

When “How Many Candy Corns Are in the Jar?” Stops Being a Fun Party Game

Guy: How many dicks can you fit in your vagina?
Girl: Umm, I'd say five.

–Fire Island

Overheard by: Pranav

Posted on March 5, 2016
Default, Girls, Guys, Long Island, Penis, Questions, Sex, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope

Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.

–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall

Overheard by: Lysa

Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.

–Cardozo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?

–NYU Dining Hall

Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Who'd have thought?

Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Station

Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on February 28, 2016
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Height, Junk Food & Fast Food, LaGuardia Airport, Malls, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, Questions, Scents of the City, School, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Students, Stupidity, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop

Posted on February 27, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Death, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Stab, Store, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The First Rule of Stud Club Is, You Do Not Talk about Stud Club

Girl #1: We have a friendship of sorts.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah?
Girl #1: Well, a kinky sex friendship.
Girl #2: … What does it look like?
Girl #1: It’s studded.

–Peanut Butter & Co.

Posted on February 23, 2016
Friends, Penis, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes

More or Less, Allowing for Individual Variation

Father: It was the Million Man March. It was a million men marching in the capital for our people.
Son: No girls? No moms?
Father: No girls, just men.
Son: So there was a million penises?
Father (trying to bring it back onto subject): Yes. But it was the Million Man March.
Son: So there were two million balls?
Father: That's not the point.
Son: But everybody had one penis and two balls, right?
Father: Presumably.

–4th St & 125th

Posted on February 22, 2016
Balls, Dads, Families, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Penis

Wednesday One-Liners Scream ‘Gender Surprise!’

Girl to friend: … And it was like, ‘Bam! I have a penis, too, man.’

–W 4th & 6th

Crazy guy: The revolution is in my pussy! The revolution is in my vagina!

–Washington Square Park

Prep school gangsta leaving train: Yo, man, grab his tits! Yeah!

–C train

Overheard by: Annearchist

Guy yelling into cell: I’m an intelligent woman! So I think…

–59th St, Columbus Circle

NYU chick: If I was a hermaphrodite, then I would totally understand what they were talking about.

–Shade, W 3rd & Sullivan

Posted on February 5, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Penis, Rack, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

So Gay It’s Straight

Long-haired dude: You penised his penis with your penis!
Creepy chick: Dude! That’s, like, penis cubed!
Long-haired dude: Damn. How many penises is that?
Creepy chick: Well, three. Penis times penis times penis. Duh.

–56th & Lex

Overheard by: i never passed math

Posted on February 3, 2016
Creepsters, Friends, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on.

–Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jaina Wald

Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!

–Wall & Water

Overheard by: Aubrie

Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy?

–Central Park

Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms?

–Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus

Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Natalie

Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.

–22nd & Broadway

Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern!

–45th & Lex

Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum!

–34th St

Overheard by: naidababy

Posted on January 30, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Central Park, Condoms, Duane Reade, Global Geography, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Penis, Preppies, Sex, STDs, Suits, Teens, Three is Company, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport