People

A Bird in Hand is Worth Two in the Bush

Paparazzo: So you two are really pretty, have you ever done any modeling?
Dutch girl #1: Ha ha ha, not me, maybe her.
Dutch girl #2: No, I am studying history at home.
Paparazzo: You really should consider it, there is great money in it and I would love to help you get started.
Dutch girl #2: Sounds interesting…what type of modeling?
Paparazzo: Well, nude sells the best. We can go over to my place and discuss it.
Dutch girl #1: Great!
Dutch girl #2: Maybe you can take some of us together.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stephanie Nally

“If I was you, I’d give me a dollar.”

Hobo: Please man, can I have 25 cents? It’s to eat, ya know…
Man: Here you go. But if I was you, I’d eat something else.

–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island

Overheard by: Helniev

Moms Love Wednesday One-liners

Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!

–2/3 train

Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.

–W. 53rd & 10th

Overheard by: James Shannon

Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly.

–Angelo’s, 55th Street

Because Old People Dying is a New Phenomenon

Old Guy #1: Oh, he’s probably dead. That other guy too. What was his name?
Old Guy #2: And his friend, that writer. Haven’t seen him around either.
Old Guy #1: Do you remember that guy that used to play chess with you?
Old Guy #2: Yeah.
Old Guy #1: I just found out he’s dead too.
Old Guy #2: The city’s changing.

–9th St. between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Let Me Guess: “Great Personality”

Girl #1: She always has this miserable look about her.
Girl #2: Dude, that’s just her face.
Girl #1: Ew.

–Lincoln Center

Whatever Happened to Debbie Gibson?

Middle aged guy: So she makes six figures, she’s 40, and she lives at home with her mother?
Middle aged woman: Can you believe it? She has a son, too, but he lives on his own. Can you fucking believe that?
Middle aged guy: Jesus!

–2 train

Overheard by: Mike Sidoti

Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: …but don’t worry; us Republicans know what you’re up to!

–Sullivan & W. 3rd

Woman on cell: Uh huh…yeah…right…uh huh…uh huh…the one you thought was underwear…uh huh…right…

–Lincoln Center

Girl on cell: I am so not dressed for a strip club!

–Times Square

Readers: Answer This Mindboggling Question

JAP: Didn’t it fall down back in the early nineties too?

–Ground Zero

Bill Gates is the new Brad Pitt

Martha Stewart is on a tabloid cover.

Hipster: Did you know she’s now on that Forbes list?
Sunglasses at night girl: The one with rich people?
Hipster: Yes.
Sunglasses at night girl: She’s not even a movie star.

–Key Foods, Williamsburg

The Original Playa

Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.

–59th & Park

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