Queens

Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!

–Flushing

Overheard by: Zee

Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.

–Maiden & William

Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."

–Wall St

Overheard by: Tamcakes

These Days It's Just Called “Ritalin”

4th-grade thug #1: Yo, I heard they was doin' some drugs.
4th-grade thug #2: Psshh, everybody be doin' drugs nah-a-days.
4th-grade thug #1: Yeeeaaah, you right, you right.

–Colden St, Flushing

He Learned English from Fifty Cent's Audio Series

Overly tanned gentleman with crisp white shirt: Yo, my brotha, you gotta bib?
Waiter: Uhhh…

–Cafe, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Amanda

Maybe We Should Make Law Enforcement Illegal, To Bring Prices Up

Blind date boy: So how long was your ex on the job?
Blind date girl: Well, he’s been a cop for three years, but he still lives with his parents because of how little cops get paid.
Blind date boy: Cops get paid shit in the beginning.
Blind date girl: Well, he was making a lot more before, you know…
Blind date boy: Oh yeah, being a drug dealer.

–Austin St & 72nd Ave, Queens

Nice Panties

Man sitting down: Your fly is open.
Cop: What?
Man: Your fly is open.
Cop, looking down: Hey, I’m going to the jail and I got my nuts hangin’ out! Thanks, man.
Man: Sure, no problem.

–7 train, 46th St, Woodside

Overheard by: Didn’t see his nuts…

…With a Variety Of Different Fruits and Vegetables.

Dude #1, looking at Yu-Gi-Oh! cards: Oh man, opening a new pack is pleasurable. Like having sex.
Dude #2: How do you know? You have sex?
Dude #1: Trust me, I know. I have sex.

–Anime Castle

I Didn't Know You Could Read Japanese!

50-something lady to 30-something daughter: I really want Japanese food.
30-something daughter: Where do you wanna go?
50-something lady: I see Japanese people in that restaurant. It must be sushi… what's it called?
30-something daughter: Nick's Pizza.

–Fortest Hills

Overheard by: Godzirra

Hey, I Don't Wanna Get Into a Whole Thing Here

Girl: What does your peanut butter taste like?
Friend, eating peanut butter: Was that a come-on?

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-liners for Other Places

Megaphone lady: Don’t buy from Canada! Don’t go to Canada! Don’t support Canada at all!…Don’t buy Canadian beer!

–49th & 6th

In the Absence of Explosions, the Fundamental Things Apply

Attorney: You hear about that guy with the bombs in Atlantic City?
Elevator guard: Yeah.
Attorney: At the showboat, man.
Elevator guard: Good buffet there.

–Queens Supreme Court elevator

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