Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

I Was Striving For More of a Dysentery Fragrance, With Overtones of Colon Cancer

Lady: Ewww! It smells like someone made a dump!

Bum shrugs.

–Queens Blvd, Forest Hills

Posted on July 8, 2006
Bimbettes, Homeless, Poop, Queens, Scents of the City

She Hasn’t Seen Coming to America

Old lady: Why would anyone ever want to move to Queens?

–R train

Overheard by: mo

Posted on July 6, 2006
Old People, On the Subway, Queens

He Only Hung Up On Me Once

Girl: So why did you hang up on me twice?
Guy: Why did you sleep with him last night?

–Forest Hills, Queens

Posted on July 4, 2006
Girls, Guys, People, Places, Queens, Sex, Topics

Another Teen Emergency. Call the Ambivalence.

Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.

–Queens College campus

Overheard by: Peter G.

Posted on July 2, 2006
College, Death, Ew, Jersey, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Guys, People, Places, Queens, Queens College, School, School and studying, Students, Topics, Venues

Are You My Asian/Pacific Islander?

Asian guy: Yo, nigger.
Black guy: Fuck you. You ain’t my nigger.

–90th St, Elmhurst

Posted on June 30, 2006
Asians, Black People, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Queens

Actually, I Hate Walking

Kid: Excuse me, can you get Floyd to sign something for me?
Security guard: No. Floyd hates kids.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Silent K

Posted on June 12, 2006
About Celebrities, Mets, Pop Culture, Queens, Shea Stadium, Sports

This Actually Is How Policy Gets Made

Guy #1: I think she’s Mexican.
Guy #2: Nah, she can’t be Mexican, I’ve been there, they cute but short.
Guy #1: Yeah, now that you mention it, she is a little too tall to be Mexican, but I don’t care, I’ll still hit it.
Guy #2: I’ll hit it and help her get her papers if she doesn’t have them. I’m all for amnesty in the name of getting laid.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Tydestra, who speaks English