Sex

Still Too Much Wednesday One-liners Information

Woman on cell: He wants a confetti cannon? A goddamned confetti cannon? No, I’m not…He is not getting a confetti cannon at the pier! I…Well, I like battery-operated dildos, but that doesn’t mean I’m getting one that shoots confetti all over the goddamned pier!

–William & Pine

Girl: So I told her, “I don’t think I’ve ever spooned with my mother before. No funny business.”

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ladolce

Man: Make sure you lick it a lot, then just stick it in. I’m telling you, I know. I’ve had my finger up many straight guys’ asses. Remember? I was in a fraternity.

–Prince Street rooftop

Overheard by: LJ

Chick on cell: I told that bastard I’d burn in hell before I fucked his ugly ass…in a nice way.

–Fluffy’s Cafe, 7th Avenue

Overheard by: Tabitha Graves

Girl: The only part I liked is when they were fucking in the back.

–7th Avenue & 13th Street

Girl: …so I Googled the rash to find more information about it. His friend told me he got it from bumping and grinding, but I just wanted to make sure I was safe.

–2nd Avenue & 4th Street

Overheard by: Cathleen Stumps

Orthodox Mormons Have All the Fun

Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.

He makes another call.

Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!

–46th between 5th & 6th

That Part Being His Mind

Guy #1: Yeah, so he said he’s been in like 30 orgies or something.
Guy #2: So he’s part gay, then?

–Big Daddy’s Diner, Park Avenue South

Overheard by: reggae sarkar

At the TMI Quarterfinals

Girl #1: Yeah, it sucked. The first time I had sex was in the projects. It was just this random guy and he was like “wanna go to my house?” So I did, and we had sex. But then I didn't know that when you had sex for the first time you bleed a lot, right? So like I was bleeding everywhere. And I didn't notice. And all these random people were like “ew!”. And I was sitting on Brandon's couch, and he was like “what's that?” And I'm like “Uh, your sister's crayon.” So then they were all sitting on it, and fucking around on it…
Girl #2: Ewwwwwww!
Girl #1: Coz she left crayons on the couch. But then the next day his mom came! And like, boys don't get periods.

–104th & West End

Wednesday One-Liners Are Starting to Show

Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?

–27th & 6th

Overheard by: Seamus Diddy

Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.

–86th & 1st

Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!

–Forever 21, Union Square

Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."

–Toys R Us Times Square

Overheard by: Non Father

Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!

–Whole Foods, Bowery

Overheard by: office peon

Wednesday One-Liners Need Extra Support

Woman on cell: He already started calling me ‘boobie’ so we did it last night.

–33rd St station

Queer: I’m so sick of her and her breasts!

–W 4th St subway

Overheard by: Jessie

Teen boy, walking into woman and child: Oh, sorry, my fault… [To his girlfriend:] See what yo’ titties got me into!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Drunk bimbette: I’m so glad I have tits. I don’t know what I would do if I were a man. I call it the power of the oyster.

–Croton-Harmon line to Manhattan

Overheard by: Evan

Drunk woman: I got ketchup on my boob and I didn’t even eat anything!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Ryan

Drunk fratboy: Show your boobies if you love the Mets! Nudity for the Mets! Nudity for the Mets!

–Manhattan bound 7 train

Overheard by: lets go mets

Wednesday One-liners After Dark

Girl on cell: So I was talking shit and then, of course, we started getting it on, like always.

–Rivington & Attorney

Woman on cell: Ooh…somebody has a hangover…you have that scratchy-come-fuck-me voice…oh, I love it!

–W. 21st between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Charlie Samuels

…With a Variety Of Different Fruits and Vegetables.

Dude #1, looking at Yu-Gi-Oh! cards: Oh man, opening a new pack is pleasurable. Like having sex.
Dude #2: How do you know? You have sex?
Dude #1: Trust me, I know. I have sex.

–Anime Castle

I Very Much Enjoyed Falling Upon His Hard Times

Woman #1: Oh my god! You see that bum over there? I had sex with him in 1987!
Woman #2: Was he good?

–Times Square

Overheard by: SEDRICH

Talking about Labor Law Is Right Up There with Diaper Play

Hot Asian chick: Oh, I feel so sexually frustrated right now!
Dude: Oh my god, I can totally help you out with that! You could even call me Mark!
Hot Asian chick: And could we talk about labor law afterwards?
Dude: Anything!
Hot Asian chick: Don’t embarrass yourself, Chad.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: she can call me anything too

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