Young hot guy #1: I want you to know you really were considerate when you fucked me. I mean, I'm not easy.
Young hot guy #2: I try to help out.
–Union Square
Young hot guy #1: I want you to know you really were considerate when you fucked me. I mean, I'm not easy.
Young hot guy #2: I try to help out.
–Union Square
Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.
–37th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg
Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!
–Times Square Subway Station
Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.
–22nd St & 5th Ave
Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Westsider
30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.
–Broadway & 114th St
Overheard by: mary e.
Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!
–Target, Atlantic Ave
Gay guy #1: You're a single lady, though! It doesn't even matter!
Gay guy #2: Exactly. So I was all, “If you like it, then you should've just peed on it.”
–81st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: a new beyonce fan
Drunk hipster girl: If I was to drop dead in the middle of that party, all those frat boys would fuck my corpse.
Friend: Word.
–78th & Madison
Woman on cell: He wants a confetti cannon? A goddamned confetti cannon? No, I’m not…He is not getting a confetti cannon at the pier! I…Well, I like battery-operated dildos, but that doesn’t mean I’m getting one that shoots confetti all over the goddamned pier!
–William & Pine
Girl: So I told her, “I don’t think I’ve ever spooned with my mother before. No funny business.”
–Penn Station
Overheard by: ladolce
Man: Make sure you lick it a lot, then just stick it in. I’m telling you, I know. I’ve had my finger up many straight guys’ asses. Remember? I was in a fraternity.
–Prince Street rooftop
Overheard by: LJ
Chick on cell: I told that bastard I’d burn in hell before I fucked his ugly ass…in a nice way.
–Fluffy’s Cafe, 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Tabitha Graves
Girl: The only part I liked is when they were fucking in the back.
–7th Avenue & 13th Street
Girl: …so I Googled the rash to find more information about it. His friend told me he got it from bumping and grinding, but I just wanted to make sure I was safe.
–2nd Avenue & 4th Street
Overheard by: Cathleen Stumps
Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.
He makes another call.
Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!
–46th between 5th & 6th
Guy #1: Yeah, so he said he’s been in like 30 orgies or something.
Guy #2: So he’s part gay, then?
–Big Daddy’s Diner, Park Avenue South
Overheard by: reggae sarkar
Girl #1: Yeah, it sucked. The first time I had sex was in the projects. It was just this random guy and he was like “wanna go to my house?” So I did, and we had sex. But then I didn't know that when you had sex for the first time you bleed a lot, right? So like I was bleeding everywhere. And I didn't notice. And all these random people were like “ew!”. And I was sitting on Brandon's couch, and he was like “what's that?” And I'm like “Uh, your sister's crayon.” So then they were all sitting on it, and fucking around on it…
Girl #2: Ewwwwwww!
Girl #1: Coz she left crayons on the couch. But then the next day his mom came! And like, boys don't get periods.
–104th & West End
Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?
–27th & 6th
Overheard by: Seamus Diddy
Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.
–86th & 1st
Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!
–Forever 21, Union Square
Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."
–Toys R Us Times Square
Overheard by: Non Father
Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!
–Whole Foods, Bowery
Overheard by: office peon
Woman on cell: He already started calling me ‘boobie’ so we did it last night.
–33rd St station
Queer: I’m so sick of her and her breasts!
–W 4th St subway
Overheard by: Jessie
Teen boy, walking into woman and child: Oh, sorry, my fault… [To his girlfriend:] See what yo’ titties got me into!
–42nd St & 7th Ave
Drunk bimbette: I’m so glad I have tits. I don’t know what I would do if I were a man. I call it the power of the oyster.
–Croton-Harmon line to Manhattan
Overheard by: Evan
Drunk woman: I got ketchup on my boob and I didn’t even eat anything!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Ryan
Drunk fratboy: Show your boobies if you love the Mets! Nudity for the Mets! Nudity for the Mets!
–Manhattan bound 7 train
Overheard by: lets go mets
