“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.

–Outside Fairway, 72nd St

Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!

–Spiegelworld

Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!

–Pratt Institute

Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"

–Pathmark

Overheard by: Another band geek

30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: KTizzle

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Food, Goths, Grocery Stores, Hard Drugs, Instruments, Jobs & Careers, Men, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Tonight on 16 and Stupid

Teenage boy #1: She had a hot body when I started fucking her, and now she lost it from having a baby!
Teenage boy #2: I never had to deal with that dilemma. Everyone I ever fucked already had babies before I got around to it.

–Brooklyn

Posted on December 14, 2014
Babies, Beauty, Brooklyn, Parents, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Teens

And They Can Afford to Breed With You

Female law student in interview suit: I just get along with older white guys. We click. Women, younger guys, no so much.
Fellow law student: That's because you're fertile.

–Fordham Law School

Posted on December 13, 2014
Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fordham, Gender issues, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Sex, Students

It’s Time We Had a Talk about Whiskey

NYU girl #1: God, I keep getting sexiled by my roommate. It’s so fucking annoying!
NYU girl #2: So, just have sex so she knows how it feels.
NYU girl #1: I cant — I’m ugly!

–NYU Dining Hall

Overheard by: Sucksforher

Posted on December 11, 2014
Advice, Beauty, School, Sex, Students

NYers on the Issues: Shoes

Hispanic girl on cell: I don’t care what shoes you’re wearing, you’re still Puerto Rican!

–92nd & Broadway

Woman: When a girl tells a guy she likes his shoes, that means she wants to fuck him.

–Delancey St.

Posted on December 11, 2014
Fashion, Lower East Side, On Cell, Puerto Ricans, Sex, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand-banana

Posted on December 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Idiots, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Terrorism, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Women

During Rush Hour, It's Hard to Be Certain

Yunnie girl #1: I hate the subway. You know, I've been fucked on the subway. Twice, actually.
Yunnie girl #2: Huh?
Yunnie girl #1: What–you mean you've never had sex on the subway?

–6 Train

Posted on December 6, 2014
Asians, Girls, Gripes, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Weirdness

One Per Donor

Teen girl #1: Yeah, so she said she was pregnant and I was just like, THAT SUCKS!
Teen girl #2: Ohh so that’s why she’s taking all that birth control.
Teen girl #1: Yup, I think she’s on like four.

—L train