Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.
–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks
Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.
–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks
(Woman #1 is trying to exit Starbucks while pushing a stroller. Woman #2 comes to her rescue and keeps the door open)
Woman #1: You aren't from New York, are you?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Because you're too sweet.
–Starbucks, 114th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan
Black guy in suit to stranger at same table: Oh, so you're married! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.
White guy in suit: Oh, no worries, it doesn't mean I'm dead or anything.
Black suit: Are you faithful?
White suit (pausing for a couple of seconds): Sometimes.
–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Joe
Woman making dolls dance: Eeeeee! Eeeeee! Eeeeee!
Young woman, waiting for her coffee: They're very cute.
Woman with dolls (still dancing them): They are. Eeeee!
Young woman: Did you make them?
Woman with dolls: Yes, I did.
Young woman: I like their little sweaters.
Woman with dolls: I didn't make the sweaters.
Young woman: Oh.
–Starbucks
Barista: Weren't you showing me some German porn just a little earlier?
Patron: It was not porn! It was a music video! With…lots of naked German men in it.
Barista: And the difference is what, exactly?
–Starbucks Near Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Kosi
Girl: I think I have gout. Look at my fat knees!
Guy friend: Are you sure you're not just having self-image issues?
–Starbucks, 96th & Madison
(teenage girl goes to stand next to her friend in line for the bathroom)
Crazy hobo: Bitch, get to the back of the line! I gotta take a shit!
Teenage girl: Oh, I'm not in line, I'm just talking to my friend.
Crazy hobo: If you don't get outta line, I will take a shit on your chest. Do you want me to take a shit on your chest? Cause I will! (to teenage girl's friend) Oooh girl, you pretty. Why you hang out with cunts like these?
–Starbucks, 6th & Christopher
Male barista: Do you have any Tylenol?
Male cashier: No, sorry dude. I left my purse at home.
Male barista: Oh, so you probably left your Motrin in there too…you know, for your cramps.
Male cashier: No, dude, not Motrin. That's Midol.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: a med student
Bratty tourist child #1: Ow, she's hitting me! She's hitting me in my head!
Overwhelmed mom: Brittany*! Brittany*, stop that! Why would you do that?
Bratty tourist child #2, shoving #1: But mom, mom, she ignorant!
–Starbucks, 53rd & Broadway
Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.
–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th
Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!
–25th St & 7th Ave
Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren
Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.
–Cooper Square
Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?
–Columbia University
