Starbucks

Tonight, on Sleaze & the City…

Flashy creepster to blonde: Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she does) You should be careful. It's a big city.
New-in-town blonde girl: After what I just went through I'm just going to have five boyfriends.
Flashy creepster: I'm telling you. You should be careful. It's a big city. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I was having a good time, and then I fell and love and got burned.
Flashy creepster (menacing): I'm telling you. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I'm just who I am. If you can't handle me…
Flashy creepster: Oh, I can handle you. I can handle you very well.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jbrizzle

Me, Too!

Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.

–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks

This Just In: 4 Out Of 5 Dentists Recommend New Yorkers! (Click Here For More)

(Woman #1 is trying to exit Starbucks while pushing a stroller. Woman #2 comes to her rescue and keeps the door open)
Woman #1: You aren't from New York, are you?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Because you're too sweet.

–Starbucks, 114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Dan

Tonight's Movie: Brokeback Starbucks

Black guy in suit to stranger at same table: Oh, so you're married! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.
White guy in suit: Oh, no worries, it doesn't mean I'm dead or anything.
Black suit: Are you faithful?
White suit (pausing for a couple of seconds): Sometimes.

–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Joe

Note to Self: Buy Coffeemaker

Woman making dolls dance: Eeeeee! Eeeeee! Eeeeee!
Young woman, waiting for her coffee: They're very cute.
Woman with dolls (still dancing them): They are. Eeeee!
Young woman: Did you make them?
Woman with dolls: Yes, I did.
Young woman: I like their little sweaters.
Woman with dolls: I didn't make the sweaters.
Young woman: Oh.

–Starbucks

The Size of Their Instruments

Barista: Weren't you showing me some German porn just a little earlier?
Patron: It was not porn! It was a music video! With…lots of naked German men in it.
Barista: And the difference is what, exactly?

–Starbucks Near Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Kosi

I Suspect It's Your Thighs You Really Have to Worry About

Girl: I think I have gout. Look at my fat knees!
Guy friend: Are you sure you're not just having self-image issues?

–Starbucks, 96th & Madison

When I Finish Shitting on Your Friend's Chest, I'm Totally Asking You Out

(teenage girl goes to stand next to her friend in line for the bathroom)
Crazy hobo: Bitch, get to the back of the line! I gotta take a shit!
Teenage girl: Oh, I'm not in line, I'm just talking to my friend.
Crazy hobo: If you don't get outta line, I will take a shit on your chest. Do you want me to take a shit on your chest? Cause I will! (to teenage girl's friend) Oooh girl, you pretty. Why you hang out with cunts like these?

–Starbucks, 6th & Christopher

Excellent Strategy– Refuse to Acknowledge Mockery

Male barista: Do you have any Tylenol?
Male cashier: No, sorry dude. I left my purse at home.
Male barista: Oh, so you probably left your Motrin in there too…you know, for your cramps.
Male cashier: No, dude, not Motrin. That's Midol.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: a med student

This Is Why We Were Kicked Out Of Kansas, Honey

Bratty tourist child #1: Ow, she's hitting me! She's hitting me in my head!
Overwhelmed mom: Brittany*! Brittany*, stop that! Why would you do that?
Bratty tourist child #2, shoving #1: But mom, mom, she ignorant!

–Starbucks, 53rd & Broadway

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