Customer: I'll have a skim cafe au lait.
Barista: We call it a “cafe misto” here.
Cashier: Yeah, I think “cafe au lait” is Italian.
–Starbucks
Woman, in line for bathroom: Is there actually anyone in the bathroom?
Man in front of her: Yeah.
Woman: Did someone die in there?
Man: I think the next person might.
–Starbucks, 2nd Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: the dead guy's girlfriend
Headline by: Nick Pollotta
Runners-Up:
· “Am I the Only One Fighting the Urge to Make a “Crappuccino” Joke Right Now?” – lauren beth
· “I’ve Heard a Lot Of Screaming From Inside” – KMW
· “Let’s Use the Bathroom Of the Starbuck’s Next Door” – Coyoty
· “M. Night Shyamalan Finally Hits Rock Bottom” – Nick Pollotta
· “Starbucks’ Experiment With a Grande Broccoli and Bean Chai Latte Ended Then and There” – Chris
· “Stephen King Is Running Out Of Material” – JohnAustin
· “The Birth Of the “Ladies First” Concept” – Morning Glory
Girl: Well, I had to explain the plot of The Diary of Anne Frank to him.
Guy: What plot? It's a game of hide and seek, the Jews are really bad at it, the Nazis are really good. The end.
–Starbucks, Waverly & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Lotte
Young woman, entering restroom, to Starbucks employee standing outside: Oh, I thought you were waiting to use it.
Starbucks employee: No. I'm the bathroom genie. I make the magic happen.
–Starbucks
Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Malta Paul
Man #1 to man #2, with headphones in on his computer: Are you an army man?
(man #2 doesn't respond)
Man #1: Are you an army man?
(man #2 doesn't respond)
Man #1: Excuse me! I asked you a question, I'm not asking you to build me a house! Are you an army man?
Man #2: I know, and I'm declining to answer your question.
Man #1: I'm not a vet or anything, I'm just trying to get some money.
Man #2: That's what I thought.
–Starbucks, Penn Station
Overheard by: B
Older straight woman with tiny dog: Is this place a Hotspot?
40-something gay man with bright pink shirt: You mean like a meat market?
–Starbucks, 12th St & 2nd Ave
Guy on cell: I'm walking to my room from breakfast. Then I'm going to take a dump. Then I'm going downstairs.
–Hallway, Marriott Courtyard Hotel
Barista walking in, to no one in particular: Unfortunately, I'm here.
–Starbucks, Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Robert
Lost tourist: We are stuck here in the middle of Times Square!
–Rockefeller Center
NYU girl on phone: Hello? No. No, I can't meet you. Because I'm lost. I'm lost in the West Village. You know how the streets there get weird? I have no idea where I am. I've been wandering around for hours and I don't know if I'll ever make it back, ever! No, don't try to find me, I haven't seen any street signs in ages. Okay, see you tomorrow…maybe not.
–Union Square
Loud black drag queen yelling into cell: Bitch, don't play with me! I know where you at!
(pause) Where you at?
–34th St & 8th Ave
Stroller mom admonishing toddler: Connor! Connor, stop that now. Connor, I'm going to count to three…in French. Un, deux, trois.
–Broadway & 93rd St
Father, teaching five-year-old son to urinate in the street: Okay, son, now you've gotta shake it.
–Fordham Road
Mom to seven-year-old daughter, on Yom Kippur: Only you could complicate a bagel purchase.
–Absolute Bagels, 108th & Broadway
Yuppie mommy to naughty child: Stop it! Stop acting up! Look, this is the reason people don't have kids.
–Starbucks
Woman to young sons: You see that boy in that other train over there? I'm gonna give him your present if you don't be quiet.
–6 Train
Father to three rowdy children: You guys are gonna need to calm down, this is gonna be a two hour ride and there is no bar car on this train. Which is unfair to daddies with 3 kids.
–Grand Central
Flashy creepster to blonde: Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she does) You should be careful. It's a big city.
New-in-town blonde girl: After what I just went through I'm just going to have five boyfriends.
Flashy creepster: I'm telling you. You should be careful. It's a big city. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I was having a good time, and then I fell and love and got burned.
Flashy creepster (menacing): I'm telling you. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I'm just who I am. If you can't handle me…
Flashy creepster: Oh, I can handle you. I can handle you very well.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: jbrizzle
