Wednesday One-Liners Need to Go to the Free Clinic

Woman on cell: Wait, but he still has malaria, right?…Good. Go on.

–Grove & 7th

Overheard by: courtney clinton

Frat boy: Wow! Herpes for a dollar; that sounds like a good deal!

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Amateur historian: You know what was bad? Black Plague was bad.

–Toast, Lafayette St

Overheard by: Chris

Faux-Boho gal: And he said, “I don’t understand how I have STDs and you don’t.”

–N train

Overheard by: Kelly Green

Gay waiter: I’ll have to sterilize it and then burn it or it might give the fire an infection.

–SoHo

MTA employee: So I had a touch of pneumonia, and they had to remove part of my lung. I was coughing up Jello…But it was clear, so it was okay!

–Q train, Newkirk Ave

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Hobette: Excuse me, ladies and gentleman, I’m hungry and I’m homeless. If you could please spare some money or some food, I’d appreciate it. Oh, and I have cancer. Have a nice day.

–Downtown R train

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on September 20, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Illness, Prostitution, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.

–Time Warner Center

Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Leah Beirne

Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.

–Target, Queens Blvd

Overheard by: barbat

Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!

–52nd & 5th

Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!

–125th St

Overheard by: slightly intrigued

Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.

–24th & 7th

Overheard by: Dennis

Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Druggies, Drugs, Etiquette, Fat People, Fears, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts, Queens, STDs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Whole Foods, Women

Eternal Damnation in Exchange for Earthly Herpes Is a Shitty Trade

Hipster chick: So what happened? Why did you two break up?
Hipster boy: She’s a slut. Her vagina’s the gateway to Hell.

–L train

Posted on September 11, 2006
Hell, Hipsters, On the Subway, STDs, Vagina

Isn’t That From Dr. Seuss’s ‘I Don’t Like Penis Made of Glass/ I Do Not Like It in My Ass’?

Younger woman: Have you seen any of the Chihuly glass?
Elderly woman: Yes, it looks like penises with diseases!

–New York Botanical Garden, the Bronx

Posted on August 22, 2006
Artists, Arts & Letters, Old People, Penis, Pop Culture, STDs, The Bronx

Simplex-Minded Decision Making

Girl: …and when he came back, it looked like he had herpes! Herpes everywhere!
Queer: And you still hit that?
Girl: Well, it looked like he did, but it was dark and I wasn’t sure.

–Spring & W Broadway

Posted on August 21, 2006
Hook Ups, Intelligentsia, Queer guys, STDs, Stupidity, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Douching With Vinegar Would Help

Biker lady: You think I have syphilis? Hah!

–Hudson River running path, 38th St

Overheard by: lukejoy

Girl on cell: I know! She was, like, so defensive about it! Like, “So he impregnated me; at least I didn’t get herpes.” I was like, “Honey, is that really a fair trade?”

–A train

Overheard by: claire

Ghetto teen: You know, like 90 percent of all people have herpes. That’s like 1 in every 3 people.

–Suffolk & Rivington

Girl: I know, when I first got chlamydia, I didn’t know who to turn to. Luckily I got it from my doctor.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Jerringo Nationpess

Old lady, during a Clerks II scene dealing with “ass to mouth,” to old man: That’s how you get E. coli!

–Movie theater, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: katey

Queer on cell: I’m not saying he’s a nasty faggot. I’m just saying he has HIV.

–5th Ave between 4th and 5th, Park Slope

Overheard by: Gus

Guy on cell: So I went to Amsterdam and got a handjob from a hooker, and I thought I had HIV for, like, two years…Yeah, I’m a pretty weird guy.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Posted on August 16, 2006
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Promiscuity, Prostitution, Rimming, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Don’t Talk Like That About My Friend Papilloma

Guy: She’s just a friend I fuck. And she has a boyfriend.
Girl: Who sleeps with prostitutes who give him genital warts.
Guy: Shhhh.

–Astoria-bound N train

Overheard by: effie

Posted on July 13, 2006
Bimbettes, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Infidelity, On the Subway, Sex, STDs

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Standing Up to Be Safe

Guy on cell: My doctor told me if you piss right after sex, you can’t get STDs…Yeah, I do it all the time.

–Suffolk & Rivington

Overheard by: John

Loud teen girl: Wait, you had a dream that you had AIDS? That I had AIDS? Fuck you, man.

–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn

Chick on cell: I know it’s sick, but I’m so excited that I can have unsafe sex now!

–23rd Street & Broadway

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Concerned citizen: Excuse me, I don’t know if this is a trans-generational or New York metropolitan faux pas, but you should really tell your friend, girlfriend, lady friend or whatever that one in every four persons in America has herpes.

–sushi restaurant, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Caitlyn