Wednesday One-Liners Use “Summer” As a Verb

Older woman to friend: Down there where the servants are, you know, where the gardening people and the kitchen is, I don't go there. I just don't go there.

–38th & 5th

Overheard by: garden in manhattan?

Greek Princess shopping for wedding rings: This isn't the more expensive ring I wanted but we just bought an apartment in the 70s.

–Tiffany's Second Floor

Overprivileged teenage girl on cell: The bourgeoisie… The bourgeoisie are like, the common people.

–Union Square

College girl: No, I mean seriously: who, by the age of 25, has not been to Rome or Florence?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Dan

Six-year-old: Mommy, how do you spell "Forbes"?

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Overheard by: jess

Posted on August 10, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Sorority Girls, Store, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Back Home We Have Camps for People Like You!

Angry European husband: Listen, you take American currency, don’t you? We can pay US cash! That’s money!
Clerk: Sir, the sign says credit, debit or gift card only. We can’t accept money at this counter. You have to go to the other side.
Angry European husband: This is bullshit. You don’t accept money? You’re a liar who doesn’t know English! I see everyone here paying money at this counter!
Clerk: Sir, we can’t take money at this counter. No cash. No money. Just cards.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid!
Clerk: Alright. Bye, have a nice day. Next.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid! Learn English before you get a job here!

–Century 21 across from WTC

Headline by: snarls

Runners-Up:
· “Any Wonder They’ve Starteed Two World Wars Was Immediately Dispatched” – Ty
· “Charles & Camilla Charmed Everyone During Their Visit” – Zoot, Just Zoot
· “Go Back To Whatever Country I Came From” – Kevin P
· “God, I HATE Being Trapped in This Stupid Visa Commercial!” – Never Carries Cash
· “It’s Getting Difficult To Tell The Tourists From Natives” – Trey Jackson
· “La Vengeance Est Douce: or How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love America” – noon
· “The American Meltdown Pot” – Qasar
· “Whose Line Was That, Anyway?” – Marie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 9, 2014
Foreigners, Gripes, Headline Contest Winners, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Store

How Cheap Can You Get?

Woman: Oh! That’s one of the books I want you to get for me.
Man: I’m not sure if they have it at the library.

–Barnes & Noble, West Village

Overheard by: Caren Lissner

Posted on August 5, 2014
Books & Writing, Couples, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Store

Warning: Cross-dressing has been found to cause cancer in laboratory animals

Customer: I’m looking for a book. The computer said it was in stock when I was here before but it wasn’t on the shelf. Can you check to see if it’s saying that it’s still in stock?
Clerk: Sure.
Customer: It’s called Drag Diaries.
Clerk: Yeah, it’s saying that there’s one in stock but we sold a copy in May. That might be the one we’re showing as still in stock.
Customer: Right.
Clerk: It would be in gay studies. You can check again.
Customer: Then do you have anything on crystal healing?

–The Strand

Posted on August 3, 2014
Books & Writing, Clerks, Customers, Gays and Lesbians, Store, The Village

They wouldn’t want you either

Hipster: I wouldn’t smoke to go into that health food store

— Bedford Ave, outside health food store

Posted on August 1, 2014
Advice, Food, Hipsters, Shopping, Smoking, Store

No, We Don’t Sell Dictionaries

Customer: Is that banner going to be permanent?
Cashier: For a little while.

–Forbidden Planet

Posted on July 31, 2014
Customers, Questions, Store, Stupidity, Time, Vendors & Street Performers, Words

Bookstore Fun

Strand Girl: Hey, Beth!
Beth: Yeah?
Strand Girl: Phone call.
Beth: Who is it?
Strand Girl: It’s Christopher, posing as an English person.

–The Strand basement, Broadway & 12th St.

Posted on July 27, 2014
Coworkers, Gadgets, Girls, Names, Store, Talking/Convos

It’s Master Shake Who Needs a Whuppin’

Man: If I punch Spongebob in the face, it would be because he is living at a higher moral standard than me, as a role model to children.

–Toys ‘R Us, Times Square

Posted on July 23, 2014
Guys, Men, Store, Times Square

Racist to English Dictionary

Customer: I rescue cats in the Bronx.
Shopgirl: You know sometimes poor families with children that aren’t taught well don’t know how to treat animals. I wish there was something that could be done about them. You know it’s not fair for the animals if they get placed into a bad home like that. If they don’t have enough money to take care of their children, how are they going to take care of an animal? And they [sic] don’t even treat their children right.

–Purty Girl Boutique, Thompson St.

Posted on July 22, 2014
Animals & Nature, Customers, Race, Store, Vendors & Street Performers

Overheard re: New Jersey

Schlub: …yeah, it’s the nicest place–
Loudmouth: Yeah, but it’s fuckin’ in New Jersey!
Schlub: Yeah…Jersey…fuckin’ Jersey.

–Murray Hill deli

Overheard by: Neelam S.

Posted on July 14, 2014
Assholes, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, NYC Geography, Store, Talking/Convos

Store