Store

Little Wednesday One-Liners, Big World

Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: jellybean

Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.

–3rd Ave & 11th

Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?

–35th & 10th

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho

Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?

–H&M, Broadway-SoHo

…Depending Upon Whether or Not You Can Count Past “2”

Shop assistant: Would you like a $3 discount or $5 discount?
Aussie girl buying shoes: Well, that's a stupid question!
Shop assistant: No! That's not a stupid question!

–Shoe Store, 42nd St

Overheard by: ALINA

Except Get Married, Obviously.

Gay manager: Ugh! They just keep on giving me more things to do.
Girl at counter: It's because you are gay!
Gay manager: Because I'm gay I get more responsibility.
Guy at counter: Blame the makeover shows. Make a few formerly hopeless fashion cases look good on tv and they think you can do anything.

–Retail Store, Union Square

New York's Customer Service Has a Distinctive Flavor

Customer: Do you have flypaper?
Store clerk: Yeah. On the counter.
Customer: Does it work on moths?
Store clerk: It should.
Customer: What if it doesn't?
Store clerk: Then move.

–Hardware Store

We Germans Have Never Lied About Anything

Sales rep: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't have that specific style here. You could try Saks.
Affluent German woman: The lady at Saks told me to look here! (sniffling) Why does everyone lie to me?

–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Blacknoise

With a Lot Of Parts Left Over

Preppy guy #1: Dude, Ikea's where you come when you want to see what your life could really look like.
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, it's like imagination land!

–Ikea, Brooklyn

No, No, No – You're Mistaking “Baby Daddy” For “Father”

Young man: I wanna be a be a baby daddy!
Young woman: I feel like that would be an expensive hobby…

–Magnolia Bakery, West Village

Headline by: Deadbeat Dad

Runners-Up:
· “…Why I Chose Gold-Digging” – Fresca
· “Actually, the Government Pays For It” – Vasyl
· “Ask Flava Flav” – Emily Leonard
· “I’ll Be Following K-Fed’s “How to Be a Baby Daddy When You’re Broke As Hell” Program” – Meg
· “It’s Only Expensive If You Give a Shit…” – Amber
· “No Way, There’s Going to Be a Stimulus Plan For That Too!” – Derek
· “OK, Lemme Try This Another Way: I Wanna Fuck You.” – Sim Etrias
· “Who Said Anything About Financial Support?” – Keith the Geek
· “Yachting Is an Expensive Hobby; Baby Daddying Can Be Done on the Cheap!” – Drew

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Fine, I'm Pee-Shy, Okay?

Little girl in stall with her mother: Are you going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No, I don't have to go.
Little girl: But you said you had to go!
Mother: I changed my mind.
Little girl: That's not something you can change your mind about!

–Ladies' Room, Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Did You Look in Aisle Seven?

Cashier: Hi ma'am, did you find everything you wanted?
Big funky black lady: Yeah, I guess so. Too bad you guys don't sell husbands here.

–Bath and Body Works, Park Ave & 23rd

Overheard by: thinking the same thing

But She Has Fielded Some Balls in Her Day, If You Catch My Drift

Girl in bathroom #1: God, I look horrible today. This is what Madonna must look like after playing some baseball with a rod. (pause) if you know what I mean…
Girl in bathroom #2: Are you really that dumb? Madonna is a singer, not a baseball player…everyone knows that!

–Macy's

Overheard by: Home run for ester!

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