Black lesbian: I’ve been in this neighborhood for so long.
Black gay guy: Mhh-hmmmh.
Black lesbian: Oh man! See that brownstone? Years ago I was invited to a wedding reception there. It was awesome. Beautiful. I was sitting right up front and laughing and crying with the rest of the family, like, I love you ladies! Damn, to this day, I still don’t know how the hell I got there, or who those bitches were.
–Bleecker & Christopher
Overheard by: grrryphon
Woman on cell: No, I mean, whatever. I cried for that baby when it died and all. Shit! I even went to its funeral and the damn thing wasn’t even born! Who the fuck has a funeral for a baby that wasn’t even born?…Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is, I’m sure as hell not going to a birthday party for a baby whose funeral I went to a year ago. That is fucking morbid…and they had better not be expecting presents.
–14th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Laura Mathis
Girl on cell: Wait, was this the eating disorder cousin or the crack dealer cousin?…Oh, she’s having a baby? Wow, I hope it doesn’t die.
–Waverly & University
Asian chick: Like you’ve ever even seen a baby prostitute.
–56th between 5th & 6th
Guy: No, she was four months pregnant when I started dating her. But I certainly did bathe the baby in sperm!
–Hungarian Pastry Shop, Amsterdam Avenue
Girl: I’m not sure, but we are thinking of putting the baby in the closet; it’s small but we can fit a crib in there and keep the door open.
–12th Street & 3rd Avenue
Teen girl: It was the saddest thing ever. It was almost as sad as watching a baby cough.
–F train
Overheard by: drewseph
Chick: Omigod, I totally want an Asian baby. Asians make the best mixers. Like vodka.
–49th & 10th
Overheard by: Uncle Jimmy
Guy: Dude, I think I just farted on a model.
–Broadway & Bleecker
Overheard by: Adam Tetzloff
Guy #1: Is she blind or something?
Guy #2: No, she’s Christian.
Guy #1: Oh…Same thing I guess.
–11th & B
Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married.
–Irving Plaza, Irving Place
Overheard by: Johnny Tremain
Woman: The color of the car is not burgundy; it’s purple.
Man: No, I think it’s burgundy.
Woman: No, it’s purple. I should know what purple is, I used to have purple hair.
Man: …You had purple hair?…When did you have purple hair?
–58th between 8th & 9th
Tween boy #1: Fine, fine. I’ll buy you a BLT. How ’bout that?
Tween boy #2: A BLT? I’m Jewish, you idiot.
Tween boy #1: Oh, whatever. I see you eat a BLT every day, liar.
–64th & Park
Overheard by: Andrea C.
Cheerleader girl #1: Terry, what are those people doing? Is that fake blood?
Cheerleader girl #2: I think they’re representing Chinese torture or something.
–51st & 7th
Overheard by: Alvin Cheung
Teen girl: You know that dream I keep having where I kill you on Madison Avenue? I think it’s coming true.
Mom: Oh look, the Chanel store!
Teen girl: Uh oh.
–Madison between 63rd & 64th
Guy #1: Can you think of anyone who, in their prime, was hotter than Jessica Alba is right now?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah, totally. Like, Bridget Bardot, and Apollonia in Purple Rain.
–5th Avenue & 10th Street
Overheard by: Christina Walker
