Tween #1: You called me gay? I’ll sue you!
Tween #2: You’re gay for even saying that.
–Elizabeth & Mott
Overheard by: stephin’ out
Tween #1: You called me gay? I’ll sue you!
Tween #2: You’re gay for even saying that.
–Elizabeth & Mott
Overheard by: stephin’ out
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Guy #1: Dude, that chick is so hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, I would so pee in her butt.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, I’d pee in her butt, too.
Random dude, passing by: What the fuck?
–Times Square
Overheard by: MindControlFun
Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?
–77th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore
Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Emaline
Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?
–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd
Overheard by: Rabid-Panda
Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?
–B7 bus
Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.
–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Constintina
Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: jacqmander
Construction worker #1: Damn, look at that piece of ass!
Construction worker #2: Those are like National Geographic boobies!
–9th & Broadway
Overheard by: Joe
Guy on phone: It’s funny. As a kid, all I wanted was to live on the Upper West Side. And now I’m leaving it to move to Brooklyn.
Passerby: As a kid, you were an idiot.
–83rd & Columbus
Overheard by: Jonas
Black lesbian: I’ve been in this neighborhood for so long.
Black gay guy: Mhh-hmmmh.
Black lesbian: Oh man! See that brownstone? Years ago I was invited to a wedding reception there. It was awesome. Beautiful. I was sitting right up front and laughing and crying with the rest of the family, like, I love you ladies! Damn, to this day, I still don’t know how the hell I got there, or who those bitches were.
–Bleecker & Christopher
Overheard by: grrryphon
Woman on cell: No, I mean, whatever. I cried for that baby when it died and all. Shit! I even went to its funeral and the damn thing wasn’t even born! Who the fuck has a funeral for a baby that wasn’t even born?…Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is, I’m sure as hell not going to a birthday party for a baby whose funeral I went to a year ago. That is fucking morbid…and they had better not be expecting presents.
–14th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Laura Mathis
Girl on cell: Wait, was this the eating disorder cousin or the crack dealer cousin?…Oh, she’s having a baby? Wow, I hope it doesn’t die.
–Waverly & University
Asian chick: Like you’ve ever even seen a baby prostitute.
–56th between 5th & 6th
Guy: No, she was four months pregnant when I started dating her. But I certainly did bathe the baby in sperm!
–Hungarian Pastry Shop, Amsterdam Avenue
Girl: I’m not sure, but we are thinking of putting the baby in the closet; it’s small but we can fit a crib in there and keep the door open.
–12th Street & 3rd Avenue
Teen girl: It was the saddest thing ever. It was almost as sad as watching a baby cough.
–F train
Overheard by: drewseph
Chick: Omigod, I totally want an Asian baby. Asians make the best mixers. Like vodka.
–49th & 10th
Overheard by: Uncle Jimmy
Guy: Dude, I think I just farted on a model.
–Broadway & Bleecker
Overheard by: Adam Tetzloff
Guy #1: Is she blind or something?
Guy #2: No, she’s Christian.
Guy #1: Oh…Same thing I guess.
–11th & B
