Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word

Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?

–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.

–Elevator, 34th & 1st

Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.

–House party, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: McFreaky

Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!

–Orchard, near Rivington

Overheard by: losaida

Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.

–G train

Overheard by: Jordan

TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily Star

Posted on March 19, 2008
Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Condoms, Default, Education, Elevators, Etiquette, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Internet, Kids, Ladies Who Lunch, Lower East Side, Marriage, Masturbation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, S&M, Street, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Words

To Say Nothing of Your Buck Teeth and Peg Leg

Short Latina #1: You could never be a model.
Short Latina #2, concerned: Why?
Short Latina #1: Your ass is too big.

–5th & 5th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Andrea

Headline by: Gimpy

Runners-Up:
· “America’s Next Bottom Model” – Fierce!
· “At Least I Don’t Have My Head in Mine” – Drewp
· “But I Smell Like Vomit and Cigarettes!” – Ba-Dunka-Dunk
· “I Can Hear Your Thong Screaming For Help” – Darryl S
· “Those Are My Breasts; I Sling Them Over My Shoulders So That I Don’t Kick Them When I Walk.” – E-man – Master of the UNIVERSE
· “What’s That Got to Do with Hand Modelling?” – KJM

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 13, 2008
Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Latinos, Questions, Street

Reader Poll: Gay Man or Laundry Accident?

Chick #1: So I get him home, right, and he takes it off and he’s wearin’ lavendah undaweah…
Chick #2, cackling: My gawd!

–Bleecker

Overheard by: sadi heleina

Posted on June 9, 2007
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Clothing, Street

This Is the Line for Movin’ Out, Right?

Tourist on double-decker bus: What are you guys standing in line for?
Auditioner down below: Cheese!

–Cattle call for Rent

Overheard by: Kelly Mac

Posted on April 17, 2007
Actors, Questions, Street, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Used the Rhythm Method

Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.

–Sephora, Broadway

Overheard by: linzz

Guy: … So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth…"

–Spring St

Overheard by: boston bobby

College guy on cell: He was like, ‘Shit, she’s got a bun in the oven!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shit!’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: roo

Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that’s how he got her pregnant.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Wondering how that works

Preggers: I’m gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I’m not gonna have a miscarriage.

–Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn

Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I’m on my seventh month!

–Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th

Overheard by: EE Grimshaw

NYU girl on cell: … So then the doctor comes in and he goes, ‘Houston, we have a problem…" I know, right? What’s with doctors trying to be all funny when they’re telling you that you’re pregnant?

–NYU bus

Overheard by: tj

Posted on March 28, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Diet/Weight, Doctors, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, NYU, On the Bus, Pop Culture, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Should've Used a Condom, Soho, Store, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village

It’s Always Awkward When Bush Runs Into Kerry

Man #1 after being cut off by Man #2: You ignoramus!
Man #2: I don’t know what that is — just call me an ‘asshole’!

–Parking garage

Overheard by: Man #1’s giggling nephew

Headline by: Nick T.

Runners-Up:

· “Can We Settle on ‘Ignoranus?'” – Sara G.

· “Just as long as you call me!” – Rob Graham

· “Let’s compromise on “Poopy Cerebellum”” – Matt Koff

· “Remember? No More Than Two Syllables For New Yorkers!!” – Jen

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 5, 2007
Headline Contest Winners, Idiots, Nicknames & name calling, Street, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on January 3, 2007
13 Bar, Advice, Age/Aging, Airports, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Barbershop, Bars & Clubs, Bodegas, Bowery Ballroom, Buildings, Bus, CBGB, Classroom, Cruise Ship, Dean & Deluca, Delis, Duane Reade, Elevators, Empire State Building, Grand Central, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Gyms, Hospitals, Hot dog stands, Hotels, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Laundromat, Long Island City, Madison Square Garden, Movie Theaters, Museums, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Shea Stadium, Stall Spies, Starbucks, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tattoo Parlor, Taxis, The Bronx, The Hamptons, Topics, Tourist Attractions, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Venues, Whole Foods, Yankee Stadium

Stop Trying to Eat This and Read Something!

Bimbette: I think Sandy* has dyslexia.
Friend: How do you know? You’re not in any of her classes.
Bimbette: I know, but she’s just so skinny.

–Madison Ave

Posted on December 25, 2006
Bimbettes, Diet/Weight, Street, Stupidity, Words

Now Let’s Kiss and Make Up

Tween #1: You called me gay? I’ll sue you!
Tween #2: You’re gay for even saying that.

–Elizabeth & Mott

Overheard by: stephin’ out

Posted on September 28, 2006
Fag Hags, Insults, Lower East Side, Queers, Street, Tweens

Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy

Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train

Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward

Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome

Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.

–23rd & 6th

Posted on September 13, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, College, Druggies, Drugs, Fordham, Girls, Hard Drugs, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Psychic, Queers, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Topics, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Venues, Women

Street