Male physics teacher (with accent): Does anybody know what induction is?
Female student: I know!
Male physics teacher (with accent): What is it?
Female student: No touchy-touchy!
Male physics teacher (with accent): Exactly!
–Stuyvesant High School
Male physics teacher (with accent): Does anybody know what induction is?
Female student: I know!
Male physics teacher (with accent): What is it?
Female student: No touchy-touchy!
Male physics teacher (with accent): Exactly!
–Stuyvesant High School
Sex ed volunteer: Now if you put the condom on the wrong way, do not, I repeat, do not turn it inside out and put it on. Because we all know what gets on the tip.
Male student: Penis juice!
Sex ed volunteer: Did you just say “penis juice”?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Withnail
NYU girl #1: There is hair everywhere in my life.
NYU girl #2: Really?
NYU girl #1: It’s literally in everything I eat.
–NYU Dorm
Student teacher: Guys! Seriously! Was the Underground Railroad an actual train?
7th graders: No.
Student teacher: Then why did you all circle “true” for number 8: “The Underground Railroad ran on coal”?
–University Neighborhood Middle School
Young man in small crowd: Honestly, the vaginas I’ve seen in real life are nowhere near as bad as the vaginas I’ve seen in med school.
–86th & Columbus
Overheard by: Stacey
Girl: I feel like the male anatomy is so much more straightforward. The vag is hard to master.
–Fordham University
20-something girl: If he’s gonna be such a whiny vagina about you being safe about your vagina, then you shouldn’t be sleeping with him anyways.
–NYU Dorm
Teenage boy, eating a sandwich: He said no mayonnaise. It tastes like a big vagina.
–63rd Drive & Queens Boulevard
Hobo: And then the woman just sucked it all into her vagina.
–44th & 7th
Overheard by: The One
Frantic Asian guy, running across the street in front of Worldwide Plaza: Yeah… Yeah… But whose vagina?"
–9th Ave & 50th St
Overheard by: tinyfoo
[Class is conjugating Japanese verbs in the “to make someone or let someone” form.]Student #1: To make someone eat.
Student #2: To make someone sit.
Student #3: To make someone forget. [Beat, then in English.] Wait, how can you make someone forget something?
Japanese teacher, totally serious: Bourne Identity.
–Japanese Class, Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Nyu girl: Oh, look at that squirrel! It’s all black!
Nyu boy: It’s a squigger.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Squacist
Headline by: Tim
Runners-Up:
· “400 Years Of Oppression Pending” – Mistress Squidia
· “Actually, I Think Those Are Called “Rats”” – Jen
· “And I Fount It Weird It Was Carrying a Water Melon and Chicken Nuggets.” – Waleed
· “And It Is Still Waiting For 40 Acres and a Mule!” – gab pezo
· “This Used to Be a Decent, Gray-Squirrel Neighborhood.” – KJM
· “You Can Tell From the Tiny, Tiny Bling.” – Mollena’s Blog” target=”_blank”>Mollena Williams
Eight-year-old boy to another: You usta play dirty house with her!
–E 9th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Visibly annoyed ghetto-fab young lady, while loudly cracking her gum: They too many nationalities on this bus and most of them don’t be clean.
–57th St Bus
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Chick, looking at rat sipping from puddle: Eeeww, how can he drink that? It’s so dirty!
–6 Platform, Grand Central
Guy on escalator, to friend: … Dirty sandwich…
–E Train
Overheard by: M_C
Male student: Either you’re a dirty, stinking hippie, or you’re pretentious.
–Bard High School Early College Library
Thuggish hobo: Please! Somebody talk dirty to me!
–Washington Square Park
NYU smoker chick #1: You know, she doesn’t even do it at all.
NYU smoker chick #2: Like never? Wow, no wonder she’s so unhappy.
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, that’s what I said! I even bought her a vibrator, but she won’t use it!
NYU smoker chick #2: Really?
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, it was cute and everything. It looks like a flower. It was called the petal pleaser.
–NYU, University Place
Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…
–116th & Broadway
Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.
–Penn Station
Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.
–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!
–East Village
Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…
–Crwon Heights
Overheard by: Cuttie
Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.
–Essex & Rivington
