Guy #1: It’s witch-tit cold out here.
Guy #2: “Witch-tit cold”? What the fuck is that?
Guy #1: It’s like “cold as a witch’s teat”, but updated for the 21st century.
–11th between 1st & A
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Guy #1: It’s witch-tit cold out here.
Guy #2: “Witch-tit cold”? What the fuck is that?
Guy #1: It’s like “cold as a witch’s teat”, but updated for the 21st century.
–11th between 1st & A
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Woman: You need to swim as much as possible to keep the evil away.
–Riverbank State Park
Guy: Don’t they have a special section for people in jail?
–Hallmark, 23rd Street
Overheard by: nj
Grandfather: If you don’t listen, I’m never taking you anyplace else dangerous again.
–Belvedere Castle
Guy: Yeah, I had to put my foot down. I decided it’s not okay for my kids to play with firearms anymore.
–4 train
Suit on cell: Blood is very, very chic.
–85th & Lexington
Overheard by: Harri
Guy on cell: How should I know who’s going to be there?…Why do you care who’s going to be there? It’s a funeral, not a fucking social event.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ciaran
Woman on cell: Dude, I have a shagadelic aura, because they fucked all night when they were here. That’s why I sold them.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Selenay
Suit: Man, I was upstate last week, fuck that clean air shit.
–62nd & Columbus
Overheard by: Tabitha
Guy: We’re all Cannabis. We get the chance, we’ll eat each other.
–Kudo Beans, 1st Avenue
Queer: Oh, I forgot to fucking tell you. I sold my soul for $150.
–Christopher Street
Tourist: I'm sorry, this may be a dumb question, but is this the Museum of Natural History?
Guard: This is the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Tourist: Damn it!
–The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: WeeFee
Customer: Excuse me, do you know where the croutons are?
Whole Foods maintenance guy: Croutons? That some kind of vegetable or something?
–Whole Foods, Houston St
Hipster boy, texting: So is it “in-” or “impregnate”?
Hipster girl: I'm pretty sure it's “impregnate.”
Hipster boy: Impregnate? Like an imp?
Hipster girl: Everyone hearing you thinks you're fucking retarded.
Hipster boy: Well, at least I'm not an imp.
–PATH Train
Girl: What happens to the leaves if you just leave them on the ground? They just die, right?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
Guy on cell: That's the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like "if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain't helping you with that shit." I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.
–N Train
Overheard by: Jill
30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.
–Abortion Clinic, Queens
Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there's 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!
–W Train
Ticket agent: Due to recent security restrictions, no one will be allowed onboard with any liquages. No liquages are allowed onboard the aircraft.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Liz
Pilot: Those of you who require wheelchair assistance, please remain seated.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: able to stand
Pilot: Attention, passengers… this is your pilot from the flight deck. We’ve just been given notice that we’re now number two for takeoff, so we should be getting off the ground in just a moment… so if you could all do me a favor and make sure that all your windows are rolled up, because we’re about to go really really fast. Thanks for your patience.
–JFK
Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain will be dimming the cabin lighting for the remainder of the flight in order to enhance the appearance of the person sitting next to you. Individual lights are located above your seats if you wish to read, or look at the person sitting next to you.
–JetBlue
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m just going to power off the plane for a minute and restart it. Kind of like control-alt-delete on your computer.
–LaGuardia
Flight attendant: Wow, that pilot really doesn’t know how to fly!
–Boarding Gate, Delta Marine Air Terminal
Overheard by: Daniel
Girl #1: Ooh look, a new Whole Foods!
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: It looks nice. Have you been inside?
Girl #2: Yep, I’ve been inside.
Girl #1: How was it?
Girl #2: It was nice.
–E Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Ryan St.Clair
Man: I want to change my access code. My girl’s got my access code and I don’t want her to have it no more. I don’t want her seeing my messages, see?
Customer service lady: OK. But that’s a Sprint phone.
Man: So?
Woman: This is the Verizon store.
Man: Oh. Really?
–Verizon, 86th between Lexington & 3rd
Overheard by: Carolyn
