Principal, over PA system: Attention: We are testing out the PA system. If you don't hear this, please call the office.

–Public School

Announcer on 6 train (which was being held at the station): Attention ladies and gentlemen. (pause) Does this thing even work?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Your Mom

Cop, over megaphone from patrol car: Attention people in the park, we think you are all drunk. Whether legally or illegally, please, vacate the area. (a few minutes later, after driving around the fountain) People in the fountain, don't think we can't see you…don't use stargazing as your excuse because there's too much light pollution!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: In the fountain

Conductor over PA: Attention passengers. Acts of pugilism are not allowed on this train.
(two minutes later) Attention passengers. This is just a reminder that acts of fornication or fellatio are not allowed on this train.

–Post Midnight Drunk Train, LIRR

Overheard by: Rob T Firefly

Nervous voice on building PA system: Can I have your attention, please? Can I have your attention, please? Please disregard this message.

–Third Ave & b/w 50th & 51st