Professor: Has anyone seen an opera? Which was your favorite?
Student: Well, I only saw one.
Professor: Which one?
Student: Cats.
–Jay & Tillary
Professor: Has anyone seen an opera? Which was your favorite?
Student: Well, I only saw one.
Professor: Which one?
Student: Cats.
–Jay & Tillary
Jogger girl #1: We should go out tonight to this cool new bar I heard of.
Jogger girl #2: Okay, where is it?
Jogger girl #1: Somewhere in the Fla-teer-on District.
Jogger girl #2: … You mean the Flatiron District?
Jogger girl #1: Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. I’ve been telling all my friends at work about it — why haven’t they corrected me?
–88th & York
Overheard by: Moderately amused
Chick: Happy birthday!…What’s your name?
–203 Spring, Spring Street
Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Washington has 2 men on and nobody out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sorry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drinking since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I gotta go, I’m missing the game.
He hangs up.
Guy #1: My mother calls to get the score. Turn on the radio!
–Shea Stadium
Dude: Hey, Carlos! Steal second, I won’t tell anybody!
–Shea Stadium
Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blowing the game!
–Shea Stadium
Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing.
–Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Deeds
Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers?
–Outside New York Stock Exchange
Overheard by: Kyle
50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast.
–34th & 7th
Conductor: World Trade Center-bound E train. Next stop — Seventh Avenue.
Teen #1: We have to get off.
Teen #2: Huh… They built the World Trade Center again! Whoa.
–E train
Drunk girl #1: She doesn’t care about AIDS?
Drunk girl #2: No, no, she said ‘Asians.’ She said she doesn’t care about Asians.
Sober friend: I said I didn’t care about age.
Drunk girl #2: Why are you hatin’ on Asians with AIDS?
–L train
Little boy: Hey mister, wanna hear a funny joke?
Old man: No.
Little boy: Okay, here it goes…A man walks into a bar…”Ouch!” Ha, ha, ha! Get it?
Old man: That’s the weakest shit I’ve ever heard.
–A train
Chick: I don’t know — all the worry about oil prices and gas… [Dude throws sideways glance.] What does oil have to do with gas, anyway? You don’t put a can of oil in your gas tank.
Dude: You know what? You’re a dumbass.
–W 52nd St
Overheard by: Eric Shellhamer
Woman, to young daughter: See? That's a banana, this is the “peel.” P-e-a-l.
Man across the aisle: It's spelled p-e-a-l only when it's for a bell.
Woman, indignantly: Bells don't have peels!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: P. Marino
