I'll Take “Lesbians Who Don't Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village

Posted on September 14, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lesbians, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Time, U.S. Geography, West Village

“C” You Then!

Fat tourist: A, I hate Spongebob. B, I’ll see you over the summer.

–R train

Overheard by: Laurea de Ocampo

Posted on September 13, 2014
Fat People, Idiots, On the Subway, Stupidity, Time, Tourists, TV

The Time is Such a Rare, Expensive Commodity

Hobo: Do you have time?
Hipster guy: Yeah, and I also have a job that earned me money to buy a watch so I could have the time.

–14th & B

Overheard by: Reid

Posted on September 8, 2014
Hipsters, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Time, Union Square and East Village

Wday 1 Lnrz — U Like?

Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.

–27th St & Park Ave

20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"

–Pub, 59th & 3rd

Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard

20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Lauren

Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.

–116th & Broadway

Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.

–Sarah Lawrence College

Overheard by: Anna

Posted on September 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Cell Phone, College, Columbia University, Computer, Dreams, Friends, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

…The Gay Sabbath

Girl #1: Wasn't he gay for a while?
Girl #2: Well, just as long as it wasn't on Sunday…

–St. Mark's & 2nd

Posted on August 31, 2014
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Time, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One Liners Lie about Their Size

Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!

–MacDougal Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!

–47th & 5th

10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!

–11th & 3rd

Overheard by: Hannah

Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sydney

Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’

–49th & 7th

Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!

–Bodies Exhibit

Overheard by: a.j.w.

Posted on August 31, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Death, Default, Gripes, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museums, Penis, Students, Suits, The Village, Time, Times Square, Visual Art, Weirdness

Ever Since It Didn’t Happen Yet, Things Just Haven’t Been the Same

College kid: They should put up a question on the big screen that says, ‘Who fucked up the playoffs two years in a row for us: A) Number 13, B) ARod, C) Alex Rodriguez, or D) All of the above?
Friend: … Or maybe Kevin Brown.
Man in front of them: The future ain’t what it used to be…

–Yankee Stadium

Posted on August 31, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Guys, Old People, Time, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Wednesday One-liners Watch the Calendar

Conductor: This is 33rd Street, please remember to take all personal belongings off with you, and let me be the first to wish you a merry Christmas!

–PATH train

Overheard by: elise n

Posted on August 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Holidays, People, Places, Time, Topics, Trains Not Subway

Mom and Dad Finally Get It

Woman: That was our daughter. She's not gonna make it. Kyle's running late so brunch is turning into late lunch.
Man: “Late lunch”? That's code for “pot”!

–5Ninth Restaurant

Overheard by: never heard that one before

Posted on August 29, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Time, Weed, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland

Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Laura Grossman

Female hipster on cell: I'm coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?

–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez

Girl on cell: I haven't done coke in like a week. It's been a rough week.

–Upper East Side

Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That's false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.

–Broadway & Wooster

Overheard by: ClassyGal

Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn't tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.

–Central Park

Posted on August 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Cocaine, Cocaine Diet, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Food, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Punch, Questions, Soho, Thievery, Time, Tourists, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women